I was watching the last few minutes of Neil Cavuto on Fox news today
and he brought up an interesting point. He had held a door open
for this lady and she got offended by that. Somehow she felt that
this was lessening women and making the men more domineering or
something. I hold the door for women if the flow is right,
however I hold the door for people of both sexes if I go through first
and they are immediately behind me. I don’t make a production out
of holding a door open for women though but I do it occasionally. But I didn’t think I was
trying to impose any social/political agenda on them. That lady
needs to lighten the fuck up!
What are your thoughts on this?
Wapsi Square
Slice of supernatural life YA comic PG-13
I hold doors open for people all the time, and you know what?
It always seems to make them happy.
It’s a silly, easy little thing to do, and makes people’s days a tiny bit better, especially when accompanied by a smile.
But then, I’m a short little female type, and generally unthreatening (unless I inhale. Then the girls get a little menacing…)!!
I hold doors open for anyone. I just think it’s a polite thing to do. Lady needs to lighten the hell up! ::nods::
ditto to all the above!
plus, i don’t get offended by someone opening a door for me. what’s the point of getting angry at a kind gesture? (i suppose i’m solid enough in my self-image as an independent woman that it does not even occur to me to take it as some sort of twisted anti-feminist put-down.)
If someone is directly or slightly behind me when I reach a door. I usually hold the door open for them. If they are too far back, I don’t simply because I don’t know where they are going for certain. Gender has nothing to do with it.
Yeah… I’d get way more offended if, just to pull and example from fairly recent past out, someone said thank you to me for doing something, but said it directly to my boobs. *nodnod*
Random fan opinion:
I think holding a door open for anyone is just being polite. As a women I hold doors open for members of both sexes on a regular basis and appreciate it when it is done for me.
I hold the door open for EVERYONE. I never once thought in my entire life it had anything to do with sexism..?! It’s just polite to do for ANY sex.
That women should be focusing on bigger problems.
two cents
*nuther random comment*
Lady should lighten the fuck up to be sure, but what really irks me is when you hold the door open for someone and there is another person coming and they’re too close to let the door close, but far enough away that it’s an ainconvenience, and then they tromp through the door like you’re their personal valet. Not even acknowledging your existence.
Ooooh, that gets me so angry that even a terse and sarcastic “You’re welcome, fucknut!” doesn’t make me feel better. Even when they turn around in mock horror, having had their head yanked from their ass with my literary stylings, and become all beligerent. How dare the help talk to them that way. Honestly.
Phew, glad that’s out. Thanks.
I am a 19 year old girl and I hold doors for people of both genders. Women always seem flattered, and the sometimes puzzled, but they always thank me. Feminism is all well and good (I’m fairly old-fashioned myself, but to each his /her own and more power to them), but it can go to far, it seems.
sorry, the *men* are sometimes puzzled
I hold doors open for either sex. If I got there first, it seems silly NOT to.
When someone opens a door for me, I thank that person. I am a smidgen more effusive when a gentleman does it — bigger smile, etc. — by way of thanking him for taking the chance that I might be a militant feminist. Basic courtesy is not meant to belittle anyone. Just the opposite, in fact. Why must this woman throw sand in the gears of social interaction?
But I’m just an old-fashioned gal, and secure in my self-image.
So count me in the “lighten up” brigade: I also do not get offended when folks of other religions (or none) wish me a happy celebration of the holiday of their choice.
women like that fall in the catagory of “I’m not happy no matter what is done.”
More than likely she would have been just as offended if you hadn’t held the door for her at all.
If there’s one thing years in customer service has taught me is that there are just some people who refuse to be helped/pleased.
As the saying goes:
You can’t please all of the people all of the time…
Seems to me that rabid feminazis like that are that way because they have no manners. I like holding the door open for people, especially those who need it (old folks, folks with their arms full). Just seems to be the right thing to do, and it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling in my cockles.
Why is it people think that when you are being yourself and doing or saying what’s on your mind and meaning it that you’re “imposing an agenda on them”?
(P.S. for you Minnesota types, I’m listening to Tina and the B-Sides right now… anyone know if they’re still around?)
Totally. I hold doors open for anyone, man or woman. It’s just polite at a human level. She needs to not lighten up but get enlightened up and realize it’s just a decent thing to do, no matter what sort of naughty bits you possess.
Full agreement about feminazis, they’re no better than misogynistic men. I believe everyone is equal but they just think the world “owes them something” and they’re just angry about their own issues.
As for Tina, I think she has a new group (or at least renamed it).
http://www.tinabsides.com/
She needs to lighten the fuck up, and don’t ruin it for the rest of us women (whom by the way have not such an inferiority complex that look for discrimination in acts of kindness)
>:B
Maritza
CRFH.net
…but I digress.
When I was in high school in Wayzata, a bunch of them got the school to change the play that they were putting on in the spring because there weren’t enough female parts, but when those same girls put on an all-girl one-act play and the boys complained, no one cared.
Ah, that’s a shame about Tina, but it looks like she’s doing well, thanks for the link, Paul. I moved away in 1999, but I collected a bunch of albums from local artists when I was working at Radio K. I was also none to happy to hear about Greazy Meal breaking up, but I just went back to their website for the first time in years and apparently they’re playing Sundays at the Cabooze again! Rapture!
Sorry for hijacking your thread. Thank you, drive through!
She needs to lighten up. Like everyone else who responded, I hold doors open for everyone. Maybe she was just having a really poopy day.
Meh…I’ve always held doors open for people…which can get kinda annoying when there’s a constant stream of people in and out and I don’t want to let go of the door, but meh.
I’ve yet to actually run across someone unbalanced enough to be called a “feminazi” in real life…I don’t think it would be a happy meeting for either of us, though.
“old fashioned”
When I was learning about good manners, I was taught among other things to hold a door, be considerate, and just simply smile. I also remember something about treating others like how you wanted to be treated. It’s a shame it’s now considered to be “old fashioned”.
The door open
I don´t just hold the door open, I sometimes open the door for the lady to come in, and even when I´m walking side by side with a lady on a narrow sidewalk, I let her stay in the ´safe´ position (far from the street, near to the buildings). This is what an ex-girlfriend made me learn as a rule of good education
I think its just like not leaving pieces of paper on the street – a kind of social rule. Not good, not bad. As the beedance.
Subtle opinion shaping
My thoughts on this:
By bringing up this incident, Neil Cavuto is trying to make people think “Those Evil Feminazis! Feminism has Gone Too Far(tm). Now you can’t even hold a door for women without them all getting offended.” and cause people to associate feminism with extremism.
Also note that Neil may not know all the details of the incident. Maybe this woman wasn’t offended by his act of holding the door; there could have been another cause. [Did he ask her why she was offended, or did he just assume?]
Re: Subtle opinion shaping
Jrr7 makes an interesting point: I know almost nothing about Cavuto, but that fact that he’s on Fox News makes me suspcious of his ultimate message. And as Jrr7 says, we have no context–know who she was, what kind of day she had, or any other of the innumerable factors that could have produced such a reaction.
However, I think we *can* reasonably assume that she didn’t want the door held for her. Several commenters seem to be satisfied that this woman is simply one of Those Who Will Not Be Satisfied, and I think that could be true, as the number of people I’ve met who take offense at such an action are blessedly few. But we should be skeptical of attempts to draw any sort of broader generalizations from one such incident.
Re: Subtle opinion shaping
I agree about the linking feminism with extremism. It’s a shame. I consider myself a feminist. I count myself a lucky woman who has a husband who opens doors for me, lets me sit in the last seat, and offers that courtesy to others who are in more need than he is (like others said – those with arms full, those following through the door, etc.). I believe I can be a feminist and still support my friends who are stay-at-home moms, my friends who work, etc. Too often feminism is defined in extremist terms. But then, I guess that’s what boosts the ratings. :S
Well, this topic was interesting enough for me to sign up to live journal just so I could post.
Reminds me of a story my grandfather told me. Now this was back in the 80′s I guess. Bit of background information, he might have been in his 70′s, but was probably fitter and healthier than most people 30 years younger, and looked only about 50.
Anyway, he was on a crowded bus and a well dressed woman got on. He stood up to offer her his seat and she snapped at him. “I am perfectly capable of standing. You don’t have to offer me your seat because I am a lady!”
His reply was ‘Ma’am, I don’t offer the seat because you are a lady, I offer it because I am a gentleman’
Which is why I hold doors open for all people whatever the age, sex, race etc etc.
That makes sense to me.
right on the head
The Best Response to that woman, you are a Woman?, I Didn’t notice!
and leave it at that and go away. Unless she follows you and makes a Big deal, then you could say Well I’ll be sure to slam the door in all women’s faces from now on, and only open the door for other men, at least they say thank you.
LOL
This sounds to me like someone trying to ‘prove’ feminism. I just got back from doing groceries and actually had to call out to people ahead of me to hold the doors because my hands were full and they didn’t look, and heavy doors just tend to drop in your face if you can’t catch them.
I think it’s just a social kindness to hold doors for people, whether they have mammary glands or not.
Feminism no longer needs to be “proven”, the educated world knows that women and men are equal. Just as I wouldn’t expect a 100lb man to be a firefighter or a line backer, I wouldn’t expect a woman of the same size to do either of those occupations. Not because she’s a woman (as the feminazi would believe) but because they’re a 100lb person.
In this same vein, individuals who are insecure and looking for something to be angry about will get angry over anything.
Re: Subtle opinion shaping
Actually he did calmly ask why she was so upset. She responded that he was trying to belittle her and lessen women’s role in the world.
If she was having a bad day, I find it very insecure of her (even not knowing her) to be upset by someone holding the door for them.
Re: Subtle opinion shaping
That still might not be the whole story. Perhaps she was feeling that men in general (or certain men in particular) were belittling her and trying to lessen her influence, and she had heard/read somewhere that the reason men hold doors for women is because women are expected to be physically weak. A hidden problem with stereotypes is how they affect members of the stereotyped group: they certainly know the stereotype, and they’re afraid that they’ll fail and reinforce the stereotype. See the February 2005 issue of Scientific American, in the article “Performance Without Anxiety”.
Of course I’m totally going out on a limb here, probably worse that Cavuto. I really have no idea what was going on in the mind of the woman, and neither does he — despite his asking her. The point I’m trying to make is that it’s not justified for him to use this anecdote in the way he did, to try to cast feminism in a bad light.
Re: Subtle opinion shaping
I didn’t read it that he was trying to paint Feminism in a bad light by any means. I think he was just truly puzzled. Here’s the story:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,143717,00.html
Re: Subtle opinion shaping
You have to realize that that is what FOX is all about. Subtle opinion shaping. Fair and balanced? If you compare the SAME media organization inside and outside the united states, you get different information. i get cnn and cnnj here, and they have completely different coverage. no. thats not true. but when i watch the US cnn, you can see the morning show’s coffee mugs sliding off the table, and they ain’t goin left. fox news is even worse. ol’ rup is out for the bucks, and he knows bush will spoon feed him. if you think fox US is bad do some research on the deals news corp cut to stay in china. and if you dont know what im talking about, go read al franken’s lies and the lying liars that tell them: a fair and balanced look at the right. then rent farenheight 911. and dont dog me for that. of course 911 is propaganda. that doesnt mean hes wrong though.
—this is my black armband mourning the death of the 2005 stanley cup—