I’m in the process of getting over a cold, so to speed up the process of feeling more human, I go and (finally) get my hair cut. Afterward, I stop by one of the coffee houses I enjoy and order a 12oz Costa Rica coffee and an almond croissant. Their computer system is down so they can’t ring up my order, so the barista apologizes and says she’ll come get me if I don’t mind waiting to pay. No problem at all, I sit and enjoy my snack (just starting to get my taste back) then walk up to pay when finished. She only charges me for the coffee and thanks me for my patience. Cool beans! 
I drive home feeling better about myself and the world in general. I walk from the parking lot to our apartment building, meeting one of our neighbors on the way. We exchange friendly greetings, then stupid pan-handler shows up;
stupid pan-handler: “It’s my birthday. Gimme fifty cents.”
me: “What?!”
stupid pan-handler: “It’s my birthday. Gimme fifty cents.”
me: (thinking quickly) “What’s the date today?”
stupid pan-handler: (blank stare)
me: (thinking to myself) “Yeah that’s what I thought. Idiot, get your story strait next time!” (continue walking to apartment shaking head)
I think people should carry Monopoly money around in case these things pop up. And then when the people complain that it’s just monopoly money, you could say “BEGGERS CAN’T BE CHOOSERS!”
*snicker*
A friend of mine is a mail carrier in a less than desirable neighborhood, and one day while making his rounds a (literal) crackhead walked up to him and said, “Hey mailman! Gimma a dollah, stoopid!”
It is now a catchphrase of great amusement among a group of people I know.
people amuse me greatly.
idiotic people are, sadly, a endless source of amusement.
… that, is hilarious.
I don’t see many panhandlers, so I tend to give money on occasion.
Unfortunately, I see way the hell too many of them. They passed some law up here that allows pan-handleing as long as they don’t actively ask for money. They can use signs and such but should not confront anyone. What this bozo did was illegal, but, whatcha gonna do?
seriously though, nice job with the quick witted reply. it’d have ended up saying “it’s mine too, give ME a dollar”.
It actually came out of my mouth before I had time to think/censor what I said.
Mmmmmm… ALmond Croisant… Yummy sounding!
This coffee shop has the best almond croissants.
http://www.dunnbros.com/
*grin* I like to share my fun.
A few days ago I had some guy come up to me outside of the coffee shop I occasionaly hang out at.
He began to tell me how he needed to collect about 25 dollars to pay someone back for gas money because he lives in another state.
This is a pretty common story around these parts, but he surrounded it in some of the most awkward and insane circumstances available.
Something about the guy holding his dog for ransom, and he needs to get home because his wife is having a baby and a few other things I can’t quite recall at the moment, but it stopped just short of alien abduction and international diamond smuggling.
After 15 minutes I dipped into my wallet and pulled out a $5.00 and said.
“Now I don’t believe a word of what you just said. But the story alone was more than worth the money I’m giving you…enjoy”
Oh, that one’s just brilliant
He should sell that story to Hollywood and be rich