A Wapsi Girl is the type of woman that has no fear. Well, okay, wait; let’s backtrack that a bit. A Wapsi Girl is the type of woman that has fear, but accepts it for what it is and embraces it. By embracing it she enables herself to push past it. She may falter on the path to get there, but in whole she is able to accomplish her goals.
Fears sure can get in the way sometimes, and make us question our motives, actions, thoughts, desires, and choices in life, but we’re able to get a grip on that. We can handle it. Wapsi Girls are strong women, capable women, amazing women. Our fears can come from anywhere: personal experience, stories from others, what we’ve learned, etc. However, we can take the ‘bull’ by the horns, so to speak, and tell it where to go, instead of letting it control our lives.
I deal with fears each and every day. Fear of progress. Fear of disappointing my parents, boyfriend, and friends. Fear of disappointing myself. Fear of the “real world” when I’m done with university life. Fear of slipping back into a world of depression again. Fear of abandonment. Fear that my openness will get me into a world of trouble. Fear of getting a new job. Fear of spiders! (A job… spiders… it’s all in the same realm of fear.) I may be scared of the spider sitting on my floor and staring with its beady little eyes, but dang if I’m going to let that stop me from squishing it! Okay, silly example, but it applies to everything.
I fear progress, but I don’t let that stop me from pushing forward and continuing on the path I’ve set out for myself. I fear disappointing those I love, but I can push past that and see that (honestly) I would rather disappoint them than be unhappy or unaccomplished in my personal goals. I fear the “real world” because it’s a whole new world, but if I really think about it, university life was a whole new world compared to community college and high school. If I can do that, I can certainly put my big girl panties on and confront the world! I fear that my openness will bring trouble, but I can also take a step back to see that it has brought me more good than trouble. I fear getting a new job because I’ve only had one job and I’m afraid a new job won’t live up to my expectations, but I’ve had a job before. I know I can do this.
The hardest fears to confront are my fears of depression, abandonment, and of disappointing myself. I lived for a good number of years fighting depression caused by a combination of my parent’s divorce, abandonment from my only friends and the distrust for life cultivated by those things. But I had the strength to push past it. To accept it. Life cannot be completely positive, and will always have its ups and downs. I have accepted that there will be times when I experience depression again, and I fear it, but I know that I have the strength to push past it and get back to the happiness and light.
My fear of abandonment stemmed from having two entire groups of friends ditch me one after the other for ridiculous reasons. There were girls in the first group of friends who left me just because everyone else was doing it. I’m not going to lie, that hurt. It broke my trust and my heart, and made me very bitter for at least five years afterwards. The breaking point came when one of the girls came up to me one day and apologized for how horrible she (and the group) had treated me. It helped me to let go of my bitterness and move forward. I know now that I have an excellent support system in the form of friends and family that wouldn’t leave me like that, so I can accept that my fear might be unjustified and push past it.
I’m scared to death of disappointing myself. But really, as long as I pursue what makes me happiest and most satisfied, how is that possible in the larger scheme of the world? It’s not. Little disappointments, yes, will definitely happen. In this case though, the forest is significantly more important than the trees.
My name is Alyssa Boettinger; I am a Wapsi Girl, and I know that it’s okay to be afraid. I can fear, because I can accept it. I can fear because I am strong.
Alyssa Boettinger ~The Vixen Alyssa