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"Off The Target"
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Off The Target

by Paul Taylor on January 6, 2012 at 12:00 am
Story: Wapsi-Archive
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Discussion (216) ¬

  1. ShadOBabe
    January 6, 2012, 2:13 am | # | Reply

    Miss Wahnee, the court finds you guilty of being epic in the first degree.

    • Paula
      January 6, 2012, 2:39 am | # | Reply

      Holy heck yes!

      • Danzier
        January 6, 2012, 8:32 am | #

        That last noise was my jaw hitting the floor in surprise. 😀

      • waldosan
        January 6, 2012, 9:52 am | #

        that is freaking amazing…

      • Julie
        January 6, 2012, 9:52 am | #

        I second Paula’s response…with maybe a few more surprised expletives. 😉

    • The_Rippy_One
      January 6, 2012, 11:46 am | # | Reply

      Bailiff: Your Honor. That was the cicuit court. They have declared that they will not hear any appeal on this matter. The finding of Guilty on the charge of Epic to the 1st Degree will stand.

      And Sir, the Surpreme Court has already faxed over a finding of “Da-a-a-mn.” There are two Concurring opinions: “You go girl;” and “Sisters ARE doing it for themselves.”

    • Amethyst Shadow
      January 6, 2012, 11:55 am | # | Reply

      Epic doesn’t even begin to describe it.

      And of course those guys are likely never going to live down getting their butts kicked 3v1 against a girl before her drink could hit the floor.

      • Danzier
        January 6, 2012, 12:37 pm | #

        They must now move to Poughkeepsie and live lives of quiet obscurity lest the Shelly track them down.

      • Expendable
        January 6, 2012, 7:15 pm | #

        The problem is stories like that get remembered. Good thing the MIB work for the girls, but someone might still notice.

      • Maark30
        January 6, 2012, 10:22 pm | #

        Yes, and one of the MIB was egging her on.

      • illiad
        January 7, 2012, 5:28 am | #

        nah, it will be met with replies of:
        “and HOW many had you had by then??? 😀 😀 ”

        “yeah, you wish….”

        “huh, bumped into the door again??? dont lie.. >:(“

  2. Casey
    January 6, 2012, 2:14 am | # | Reply

    Doesn’t look like much of a fight. Just three guys hitting the floor.

    Also, the *FIST* sound effect is great.

    • Valkeiper
      January 6, 2012, 2:41 am | # | Reply

      I kinda imagine small sonic concussions as her fingers close into a fist at hyper-sonic speed (making a sound like “sssssssssooop” in about a twentieth of a second)

      Then a not-so-quiet boom as that fist rockets past three skulls at hyper-sonic speed.
      “sshh-BOOM”

      then no sound except “got cha!”

      • Stigmartyr762
        January 6, 2012, 5:27 am | #

        And the sound of three bodies hitting the floor. Which sounds remarkably like a sack of potatoes hitting the floor.

      • Bucc-i
        January 6, 2012, 6:12 am | #

        It would sound like a sack hitting the floor, but I don’t think it would be filled with potatoes… ifyouknowwhatimean

      • throopw
        January 6, 2012, 5:02 pm | #

        Needs a soundtrack. Drowning Pool, “Bodies”.

        “One: nothing wrong with me
        Two: nothing wrong with me
        Three: nothing wrong with me
        Four: nothing wrong with me
        ….
        Let the bodies hit the floor!
        Let the bodies hit the floor!
        Let the bodies hit the floor….”

      • The_Rippy_One
        January 6, 2012, 11:47 am | #

        And some marine in the background yelling “Sonic Boom!”

      • Den
        January 7, 2012, 4:41 pm | #

        My thought exactly…

        I wonder if the mere passage of the FIST near to the drunks’ heads at hypersonic speed was enough to effect the unconsciousness of said drunks. The shock wave would have some effect, surely. And there would still be plenty of time to catch the drink as it fell slowly toward the floor…

        As far as control is concerned, Shelly exhibited GREAT control in doing what she did, as she did it. Control of the mechanics of the fist-by-bozos maneuver. Control in slowing down abruptly to catch the drink. Overall control in economy of motion. Yeah, that’s control. No muss, no fuss.

        Now, where were we…?

    • CPUGuy1
      January 6, 2012, 8:03 am | # | Reply

      I look at it again … and figure the fifth panel is to be read as right to left, then center.
      She makes the fist, decks all three in one ‘right to left swing’, then catches her drink.

      • Julie
        January 6, 2012, 9:56 am | #

        I’m glad I’m not the only one who had to re-read this page to grasp the way everything went down…and by everything I mean those three guys. 🙂

      • JeffEpp
        January 6, 2012, 9:59 am | #

        To quote everyone’s favorite Christmas cartoon special:
        “THAT’S IT!!!!”

    • 5hademaker
      January 6, 2012, 9:13 am | # | Reply

      yep. a LOT easier than throwing short blocks around the shop.

      • Valkeiper
        January 7, 2012, 3:42 am | #

        ah, guy. That wasn’t a short block.

        That was A COMPLETE V-8 ENGINE!!!

      • 5hademaker
        January 7, 2012, 8:22 am | #

        u only throw the v8 once (too much stuff to break off – carb, distributor, water pump, valve covers etc.) She also prolly has much better control over her hook with the short block.

    • Danzier
      January 6, 2012, 1:10 pm | # | Reply

      Shelly is a one-girl revolution.

    • bmonk
      January 6, 2012, 1:14 pm | # | Reply

      I agree: it’s not really a fight. As in Christopher Anvil’s story, “The Claw and the Clock”:

      “And they don’t believe in war! Look at that!”
      “Sir,” said a dazed subordinate, “That isn’t war.”
      “It isn’t? What do you call it?”
      “Extermination, sir. Pest control. War assumes some degree of equality between opponents.”

      This was not a bar fight. This was Pest Control.

      • Fairportfan
        January 7, 2012, 7:38 am | #

        “I’m the new exterminator.”

  3. Wolf
    January 6, 2012, 2:17 am | # | Reply

    Wow! Those are some reflexes!

    Absolutely magnificent expression on her face in the third panel – this is not a lady who “lost it” at all – that is complete, serene, and absolute control! 🙂

    Wonderful, Paul! Thank’ee!

    • ShadOBabe
      January 6, 2012, 2:22 am | # | Reply

      It might be interesting to point out that she has some decent control over her strength if she manages to hit them hard enough to knock them out, but gently enough to not, you know… cave in their heads…

    • Julie
      January 6, 2012, 10:06 am | # | Reply

      I agree. However, I don’t get the expression on her face in the first panel. She looks nervous…worried…something like that. It kind of goes with her narration, but it doesn’t match her spoken words.

      • Julie
        January 6, 2012, 10:07 am | #

        By all means, if any of you has an interpretation of her facial expression in that panel that makes sense, please share! 🙂

      • Atomic
        January 6, 2012, 11:03 am | #

        It’s the blank-faced deadly calm before the storm face. Eyes wide open to see what needs to be seen, but expressionless.

      • Boxilar
        January 6, 2012, 12:35 pm | #

        Agreed. I’ve seen that face in the ring a few times. It’s a look of intense focus where a course of action has been decided and all doubt has been lain aside. The inexperienced will mistake it for fear or trepidation. It is instead the look of someone concentrating on carrying out the act already decided upon. There’s your 80K years of wisdom right there in that look. Unfortunately for our degenerate barflies, it’s is the wisdom of a warrior, not a pacifist.

      • Fairportfan
        January 7, 2012, 7:41 am | #

        Travis McGee describes it as keeping an unfocused (as in “on one thing”) gaze on the center of your opponent’s chest that takes in his arms as well, so that you know if he’s about to move before you do.

    • JeffEpp
      January 6, 2012, 10:08 am | # | Reply

      I’m thinking meme is appropriate. And not just for the drunkenness.

      • Danzier
        January 6, 2012, 12:44 pm | #

        …why is it that all I can think of is, “Somebody go back and get a sh–load of dimes!” ?

      • stjen
        January 6, 2012, 8:15 pm | #

        Absolutely — that was the first thing I thought of when I saw this strip.

  4. NOTDilbert
    January 6, 2012, 2:18 am | # | Reply

    Wouldn’t have mattered if she HAD spilled it, I’d have bought her anotherjust cause that was so freakin’ AWESOME!

    And if it wasn’t in a western, it oughta be in the NEXT one.

    • Valkeiper
      January 6, 2012, 2:45 am | # | Reply

      I would have bought one to get (and stay) on her good side.

      self-preservation

    • Fairportfan
      January 6, 2012, 6:30 am | # | Reply

      Terence Hill (the Italian Jacky Chan) in his prime would have done something like that – even though they undercranked it some, the sequence where he holsters his gun, slaps the guy’s face and draws again before the guy can move – three times – is the same sort of mildly silly awesome.

      • Leak
        January 6, 2012, 6:38 am | #

        Yeah, I remember that scene now that you mention it… 🙂

      • Fairportfan
        January 6, 2012, 7:41 am | #

        Some of Hill’s films are worth watching to see what sort of physical stuff he’ll do – even if only for that.

        The motorcycle sequence in Watch out We’re Mad, or what he does with a pair of bowling shoes, pool balls or a janitor’s broom in Crimebusters, for instance.

      • Julie
        January 6, 2012, 10:05 am | #

        I must find and watch these movies! They sound right up my alley. 🙂

      • Fairportfan
        January 7, 2012, 8:13 am | #

        They used to be available on Netflix; i see they’re not. I think it was/is because of the fact that they had become public domain but have gone back into copyright.

        Someone *cough* orkinrules *cough* at* cough* gmail.com*cough* might have copies, though…

      • quarktime
        January 6, 2012, 10:16 am | #

        Oh yeah. They call her Trinity. And I don’t mean the one in the Matrix.

        That movie is in the public domain now. You can download “They Call me Trinity” from Archive.org. Worth it.

      • Leak
        January 6, 2012, 4:27 pm | #

        I can’t seem to find it using archive.org’s search, and following a direct link from Google only got me a page saying “The item is not available due to issues with the item’s content.” 🙁

        So is it limited to the US, or have they taken the movie down altogether?

      • Leak
        January 6, 2012, 4:29 pm | #

        To answer my own question:

        “This was once in the public domain but it has since been restored under the Uruguay Round Agreements Act. It has been pulled from most reputable sites.”

      • quarktime
        January 9, 2012, 8:40 am | #

        Oh, well. Must be why Sprint stopped using those scenes in their ads. I have the movies on VHS, anyway. Sorry about that, I didn’t see the change.

      • bmonk
        January 6, 2012, 12:59 pm | #

        From the “spaghetti western” reference, I was thinking of “Nobody Is My Name”–the bar scenes, or even the scene where Hill is facing three bad guys, so he shoots out the supports of the roof they are under–it swings down and takes them out this fast. Or the scene in the bar, just before Yul Brynner comes down, where they are drinking the glasses, tossing each over his shoulder, and shooting them before they can hit the floor.

      • bmonk
        January 6, 2012, 1:01 pm | #

        Sorry. “My Name is Nobody”

      • Fairportfan
        January 7, 2012, 7:44 am | #

        …and Henry Fonda, not Yul Brynner.

        Some of my friends were on the set in New Orleans for the finale of that film.

      • quarktime
        January 9, 2012, 9:00 am | #

        Ok, my bad, there is a movie by that name, but the slapfight scene was based on the one from “Trinity is Still My Name”. It still wasn’t Yul Brenner. He’s too tall and thin-faced. Good scene, though. I like the drink game.

      • quarktime
        January 9, 2012, 8:44 am | #

        It’s not “My name is Nobody”, it’s “Trinity”. I have the movies on VHS. And I believe the scene is from “Trinity is Still My Name,” and it isn’t Yul Brenner. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u70GP8K_DO8&feature=related

      • bmonk
        January 9, 2012, 1:18 pm | #

        Isn’t “My name is Nobody” a spoof of the others? I’m very sure it also had such a scene.

  5. Dave
    January 6, 2012, 2:19 am | # | Reply

    Calling Shelly “Tanto” was an interesting, and strangely appropriate malaprop… a tanto is a short sword or angular-tipped knife blade, often wickedly sharp.

    Maybe that “spaghetti western” was (like “The Magnificent Seven”) an Americanized retelling of a classic Samurai story?

    • Vebyast
      January 6, 2012, 2:29 am | # | Reply

      It’s a typo. The character being referred to, Tonto, was a Native American caricature that starred in a series of extremely popular radio and television shows about 70 years ago. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonto and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lone_Ranger

      • Wolf
        January 6, 2012, 2:36 am | #

        I’m not sure that is a typo, having been called variations of “Tonto” in my early years. Methinks Paul has a wonderfully ironic and poetic sense of irony as well as humor!

      • Dave
        January 6, 2012, 2:41 am | #

        Right you are. It could be deliberate, or it could be an oddly-appropriate typo / malaprop. Either way, I find it delightful.

        For what it’s worth, this is the first time I’ve ever seen the name of the Lone Ranger’s companion spelled with an “a” – if this is an acknowledged variant of the name, it’s new to me.

      • Paul Taylor
        January 6, 2012, 2:42 am | #

        Damn autocorrect. Hit refresh. =P

      • Dave
        January 6, 2012, 2:46 am | #

        “O” I see 🙂

      • Danzier
        January 6, 2012, 8:24 am | #

        erm… on the subject of typos…
        were-drinks are creepy, you never know what they’ll turn into.

      • Dave
        January 6, 2012, 11:00 am | #

        Were-drinks would be what you get the next morning, when you painfully ask for “hair of the dog”, no?

      • Vebyast
        January 6, 2012, 2:46 am | #

        Entirely possible. It’s not like you look up racial slurs in a dictionary, after all. 😛

      • Wolf
        January 6, 2012, 2:53 am | #

        Dangitall, Paul; NOW I wish there were a “howling my ass off, holding on to my sides, and trying not to fall out of my chair” button!

      • SoWhyMe
        January 6, 2012, 9:19 am | #

        Tanto just sounds like Tonto with a Baston accent.

      • Danzier
        January 6, 2012, 12:47 pm | #

        I repeat the Wolf in response. I see what you did there…

      • quarktime
        January 6, 2012, 10:19 am | #

        Funny thing, that. Isn’t “tonto” Spanish for “stupid”, too?

        “Tonto, you go to town…”

        “Kimo Sabe, you go to hell.”

      • Dave
        January 6, 2012, 12:23 pm | #

        Or, as Gary Larson suggested…

      • dadman
        January 6, 2012, 1:37 pm | #

        “Kimo Sabe, you go to hell.”

        Ah, the classic Bill Cosby bit. You must have some very old comedy LPs…

    • Valkeiper
      January 6, 2012, 2:51 am | # | Reply

      kinda a western misconception of the traditional armament of medieval samurai.

      westerners almost always focus on the katana (long sword) and will occasionally notice the accompanying wakasaki (short sword); but almost never see the tanto (long dagger).

      also, I spent a lot of time picking up and delivering loads near the US/mexico border. I had notice quite a few derogatory terms thrown around by all peoples there.

      “tanto” is one usually assigned to native/mexican women.

      • Wolf
        January 6, 2012, 2:58 am | #

        My sister and cousins got that one a lot out in the Mojave desert towns. It carries a lot more connotative meaning too beyond a basic slur as well 🙁

      • illiad
        January 6, 2012, 4:42 am | #

        well, guys… **watch out** when insulting ‘short’ mexican girls in that way… They are a LOT closer to your jewels, and have NO restraint in giving them the most pain you have ever had… 🙂 🙂

        but when you are nice to them… 🙂 well that why I married one 🙂 🙂 🙂

      • DinkyInky
        January 6, 2012, 9:59 am | #

        Wakizashi is the short sword(unless you’re talking about that motorcycle thingy). They never notice the innocuous bits in the scenery.
        I’ve often faked folks out in LARP with the shorter weapons(everyone loves the bigger is badder routine until shaken up). You’re so much faster with two shorter weapons, that if the opponent is less skilled, you can get right in their weak spot and tap them before they even get a chance to swing at you.
        The Italians had a nice bit with the Florentine rapier and dagger bit as well…wish I could get the hang of having weight on one hand and nothing on the other.

    • Dusty668
      January 6, 2012, 4:29 am | # | Reply

      *sigh* I think the first one was cooler. But that’s no surprise.

    • Valkeiper
      January 7, 2012, 4:18 pm | # | Reply

      Notice that while the original was “Tanto”; it has now been changed to “Tonto”.

      I wonder why. Made more sense as “Tanto”.

      Hold on, Shelly did say they were insulting native girls and Shelly called the native girls ‘sisters’; so I reckon Shelly identifies herself with the native population than the mexican population.

      Thus, “Tonto” would be slightly (very slightly) more derisive.

      • Maark30
        January 9, 2012, 3:38 pm | #

        Well Shelly is a Cherokee.

  6. Maark30
    January 6, 2012, 2:21 am | # | Reply

    It seems she is more scared poop-less than angry. She is afraid of her Sphinx nature and is having problems from that standpoint. This is most likely why she was afraid that if Justin got her to orgasm she would turn uncontrollably. Now the fight showed her that her nature can and will bypass her intellect and that is scaring her, and understandably so.

    • Dave
      January 6, 2012, 2:25 am | # | Reply

      Yup. Metaphorically speaking, she’s got a tiger by the tail and doesn’t yet know how to ride it, or tame it… not easy when the “tiger” is within oneself.

      I really hope Phix can be persuaded to mentor Shelly… she needs some serious guidance by someone who has been through this herself.

  7. nanners-man
    January 6, 2012, 2:24 am | # | Reply

    I wouldn’t wanna be next shelly in a saloon brawl. I might be collateral damage. O_o

    • Wolf
      January 6, 2012, 2:38 am | # | Reply

      With the absolutely precise control she’s exhibiting? Heck, you could be in her back pocket and not have to worry about being “collateral damage”!

      Of course, when she wondered WHY you were in her back pocket… 😉

      • Fairportfan
        January 6, 2012, 8:24 am | #

        That skirt has back pockets?

      • Danzier
        January 6, 2012, 8:27 am | #

        Yes. Yes it does. Looking for them, however, is a very unwise decision… 😉

      • jae
        January 6, 2012, 6:48 pm | #

        As long as you’re not Officer Tight Buns, that is.

  8. nerf-dweller
    January 6, 2012, 2:29 am | # | Reply

    I think Shelly’s more scared of what she was able to to while snockered up with booze. She was wasn’t thinking about the fight. She just reacted like a highly trained fighter.

    It may be that she really surprised herself of what she was capable of her 80,000 years notwithstanding.

  9. Valkeiper
    January 6, 2012, 2:34 am | # | Reply

    I doubt that very much.

    There was simply too much control in her action.

    And THAT makes her action so much scarier.

    imagine what anybody watching (who doesn’t know of her background) would be thinking.

    “What would she do if she got so pissed she lost control?”

    • Wolf
      January 6, 2012, 2:39 am | # | Reply

      Yeah 0_o

    • Dave
      January 6, 2012, 2:43 am | # | Reply

      Agreed. There’s plenty of control there… and the scary question for Shelly is “whose control??”

      • Mudfoot
        January 6, 2012, 8:52 am | #

        If you resort to violence to deal with children… you have lost control.

        After 80k years, almost everyone else is a child. Hell even after only a couple thousand. They may be Ill-mannered children who should know better, but still children by comparison.

        Someone in control and thinking like an adult would have been able to choose from a myriad of other solutions. Instead violence was the first resort. That says something about who is and isn’t in control.

      • Boxilar
        January 6, 2012, 12:55 pm | #

        The problem here to me is you’re assigning modern human cultural norms to an ancient predator. Shelly remembers being human and for the most part can function in human society. But she is no longer human. She opereates on a diferent set of instincts than she used to. It’s something I think she has finaly realized in the aftermath. Sphinxes are apparently THE apex predator of the Wapsiverse, and no apex predator will suffer insult from something that could be a light snack to them. Granted, she was drunk, but to me, she showed remarkable restraint. Shelly is a killer. She’s as much a wild animal as Tina is, maybe moreso. This isn’t a child/parent scenario. It’s a predator/prey scenario. Given that, these guys got of remarkably light.

      • SoWhyMe
        January 7, 2012, 12:15 am | #

        I have to disagree. From what we have seen of her at the end of her sphinxy existance in the TTF, she was still very much a controlled “person.” She was capable of deep thought and remorse. Hardly an animal, despite her appearance to the contrary. She lost touch with her previous life, but not her intelligence or knowledge of technology (she still knew what plutonium was). Still possessed of the knowledge of good and evil.

      • AvengerReloaded
        January 7, 2012, 12:33 pm | #

        It seems to me that despite coming back human, her sphinx nature keeps trying to reassert itself on a fairly routine basis. Even over the course of her discussion with Monica which should have been her at a stable set of mind, she has the pointy teeth and the cat like appearance. To me this verifies that she is not in total human control. A majority human yes, but far from complete.

      • Boxilar
        January 9, 2012, 12:05 am | #

        @SoWhyMe, I’m not implying she’s a mindless brute, or that she’s operating totaly out of control. She just has a slightly different set of base instincts than she had before. The trouble for her arises in the fact that her memories of her life as a human woman are clashing with the instincts and experiences of an 80k year old Sphinx. Wether or not she remembers those years in the time forrest fully, they have shaped who she is now. Add in the basic reactions of a predator who serves a vital and primal funtion in her universes eco system and it looks to me as if Shelly is undergoing a delayed reaction identity crisis.

      • Valkeiper
        January 7, 2012, 4:26 pm | #

        yeah, very good point.

        Shelly says she experienced an ‘out-of-body’ aspect.

        I did the same once in a fight (watching my body perform as I was only a passenger).

        I do not desire to repeat that sensation. “Scary” does not begin to equate the emotions involved when one’s body operates without one’s control.

        Now, I have some knowledge of how a paraplegic or quadriplegic must feel as a prisoner in their own body and I admit it terrifies the HE!! out of me.

    • CPUGuy1
      January 6, 2012, 7:37 am | # | Reply

      … if she lost control …

      Um, Bar? What Bar?

      • CPUGuy1
        January 6, 2012, 7:46 am | #

        But I still think she would know to move the uninvolved out of the way … before bringing down the house.

  10. themadkansan
    January 6, 2012, 2:50 am | # | Reply

    something tells me that the (as David Brin calls them) older, sturdier parts of her brain took control for a moment…

  11. My2Cents
    January 6, 2012, 2:50 am | # | Reply

    Have we had a scene with Shelly in a bar fight before, I don’t think so.

    And if she is teaching kick boxing she is a licensed martial artist, so this might be qualify as assault with a weapon. She could be in big trouble if the racists have a smart lawyer, and I think she knows it.

    • ShadOBabe
      January 6, 2012, 2:59 am | # | Reply

      Can you show me hard evidence that you would have to be registered as a “weapon” (deadly or otherwise) if proficient in any kind of fighting style?

      I had never even thought about it until I read your comments, but when I looked it up, it was said to be a myth.

      • silvaril
        January 6, 2012, 3:53 am | #

        Heya

        Traditionally, the issue is not so much one of weapon registration, as one of assumed capability.

        A Black Belt level martial artist is assumed to be capable of greater control than a neophyte or a non-practioner.

        Thus the amount of force used in defending oneself is less defensible in court the greater the proficiency of the martial artist.

        A reasonable summation of that can be found at:
        http://www.martialartcentral.com/M.a.c/Articles/11.htm

      • Paul Taylor
        January 6, 2012, 3:54 am | #

        It’s a total myth. There are no laws in place and nowhere to register them anyway. On a side note, if a criminal happened to be a pro boxer and attacked you, it would be in the victims favor to use deadly force, as per past court decisions.

      • jwhouk
        January 6, 2012, 4:11 am | #

        I have, as a JCO, the training to use open hand deadly force. However, it is because of that training that I have to be careful as to whether or not I use it.

        Just because I know how to use brachial stun (and a lot of other techniques in subject control) doesn’t mean I have to use them.

        And, if I use them (outside of my job at the DJC center where I work), I have to be careful as to why I used them.

        It’s not “lethal weapon” or anything. It’s just that I have more knowledge than others.

      • Fairportfan
        January 6, 2012, 6:47 am | #

        Registered, no.

        However, pro fighters may find themselves charged with using deadly force in a fight.

      • Valkeiper
        January 7, 2012, 3:55 am | #

        It would depend on which state you’re in (if you live in the states) as to the parameters of the requirements. some states require any 2nd gup (the level below brown belt), but with ALL staes, 1st gup (brown belt) registering is required.

        I do not know if there is a national registry.

      • Kramegame
        January 8, 2012, 12:19 am | #

        Really? that low huh? looks like I need to register these bad boys… I made it to red belt (two ranks below black) before I had to quit because of knee problems…

    • Boxilar
      January 6, 2012, 12:59 pm | # | Reply

      *Don Knots voice*
      “These hands are registered leathal weapons!”

      • SoWhyMe
        January 7, 2012, 12:08 am | #

        That’s enough of this. Let’s nip it, NIP IT in the bud!

    • illiad
      January 8, 2012, 2:01 pm | # | Reply

      the problem with trying to sue shelly:
      I doubt any camera would be able to catch her movement – how fast does that drink fall? 32 ft/ sec… she ‘rescued’ it after approx 6 inches, so 1/64th sec!!! that’s just over **one frame**.. :p
      The guys would think again when they see the footage..
      – girl talks to them, holding glass..
      – girl standing with glass, guys seem to be on floor..

      Knowing these cams are not that good quality, any thing ‘odd’ would be blamed on the cheap equipment, and the guys would have to choose some excuse to save their manly reputation….:)

      As well as their insults being caught on film….:/

  12. FatUncle
    January 6, 2012, 4:03 am | # | Reply

    Paul, you draw beautiful hands. Or should that be, you beautifully draw hands?

    And I am not sure that this qualifies as a bar fight, at least so far. The term “fight” implies someone else threw a punch.

    And if I may, another typo … you left the “h” out of “where”; it should be “set it here where” …

  13. MerchManDan
    January 6, 2012, 4:49 am | # | Reply

    Every Shelly was bar-room fighting
    That fist was fast as lightning
    In fact, it was a little bit frightening
    She caught her glass with expert timing

    • Stigmartyr762
      January 6, 2012, 5:28 am | # | Reply

      hahaha! Good one. 😀

    • Paula
      January 6, 2012, 5:56 pm | # | Reply

      a suggestion to that excellent change of lyrics?

      Sexy Shelly was bar room fighting
      🙂

      • MerchManDan
        January 7, 2012, 4:19 am | #

        Sexy Shelly, much better! Thank you Paula.

  14. Fairportfan
    January 6, 2012, 6:26 am | # | Reply

    Yay Shelly!

  15. Bucc-i
    January 6, 2012, 6:42 am | # | Reply

    Panel #3 has got to be my all time favorite Shelly of them all!
    This scene reminds me of the beginning of Ninja Scroll the movie. When Jubei throws the apple in the air and kills 5 bandits before the apple hits the ground. Then he catches the apple!

    • GreyWolf
      February 28, 2012, 1:57 am | # | Reply

      My thoughts were more along the lines of Snake Plisskin.

      Snake: “I’m going to throw this can in the air, and when it hits the ground, everyone draws. Ready?”

      ::throws the can in the air::

      ::all 3 of the other guys watch the can in the air::

      ::Snake draws, quickly shoots all 3 guys::

      ::can hits the ground::

      Snake (still holding his guns out): “Draw.”

      I know, Escape From NY/LA were cheesy (LA moreso than NY), but they both have their scenes that I love to this day … that is one of them.

  16. Bud Fanboi
    January 6, 2012, 7:25 am | # | Reply

    Panel 3 is almost enough to make me change my name… Almost. Love the faces in the bubbles as they get hit, another excellently done piece of work

  17. Danzier
    January 6, 2012, 8:51 am | # | Reply

    In the upper right of the last panel… is that smoke, or is it half a Tina-type demon? I see an eye.

    • Julie
      January 6, 2012, 10:18 am | # | Reply

      Where you see an eye, I see a lighting fixture. I believe they’re called can lights or canister lights or something along those lines?

      • Danzier
        January 6, 2012, 12:35 pm | #

        It does look kind of like a fresnel spot can, but I can’t un-see the eye.

  18. TheDoctor
    January 6, 2012, 9:10 am | # | Reply

    Nice “Fight” Scene, what there was of it. Very Jackie Chan.
    …….But wheres Chris Tucker? Probably still waiting for a phone call to do the next V-8 commercial.

  19. DinkyInky
    January 6, 2012, 10:02 am | # | Reply

    Shelly looked so graceful catching her drink at the end. It’s good to see she has it all in perspective though.

    I’ve totally been there(minus the 80k experience) with the fight/guilt later over coffee routine though…only it was “Yoko Ono” and “half breed” instead of “Tonto”

    • Julie
      January 6, 2012, 10:20 am | # | Reply

      I’d have been pissed, too…and I’m not in the slightest bit Asian (husband’s a quarter Japanese though, so my kids will be!). Then again, I’m really not a fan of Yoko, so that in and of itself would have been grounds for me getting pissy.

    • Yamara
      January 6, 2012, 10:27 am | # | Reply

      Yoko did a cover of a Cher song?

  20. Halex
    January 6, 2012, 10:07 am | # | Reply

    AAAAAAAAWESOME!!!!! 😀

  21. ohnhai
    January 6, 2012, 10:36 am | # | Reply

    EPIC!

  22. kingklash
    January 6, 2012, 10:37 am | # | Reply

    han-day Tzadle-bay da!, as we say on my Kiowa/Comanche side. Usually in the same mood as ,”ain’t that the damndest….” And having once met Jay Silverheels, nice guy btw, I never liked using Tonto as an throwaway term like that, makes for a double insult. I don’t even drink, but I would have gladly held Shelly’s glass while she tap-danced on their collective uvula. As I have mentioned before, you just don’t tick off Comanche girls. Or get in their way when they are.

  23. Dave
    January 6, 2012, 11:24 am | # | Reply

    I think today’s satisfying riddle is “When is a sphinx, not a sphinx?” and the Clue-style answer is “Shelly, in the bar, with a FIST“.

    Seems to me that Shelly did “go sphinx” behaviorally – taking on her role as a stern protector and defeating three “demons” – without having to “go sphinx” physically.

    It’s a bit like the Aspect and Attribute idea Zelazny created for his “Lord of Light” novel. Shelly was able to exercise her sphinxly Attributes, without having to take on a visible Aspect of being one.

    She still may have some ‘splainin to do to the police, if those three sorry-sacks-of-fewmets decide to file charges (and they’d find it pretty damned embarrassing to have to admit that she wiped all three of their macho faces to the floor with one swing) but at least the situation is plausibly “natural” rather than “supernatural”. No MIB cover-up required (so far), and this explains why Tina could say that the situation’s all been handled and Monica didn’t really need to know about it or get involved.

    • Yamara
      January 6, 2012, 12:00 pm | # | Reply

      What runs on six cups in the evening, two cuffs at midnight and one cup in the morning?

      • Dave
        January 6, 2012, 12:25 pm | #

        A sphinx with the dry heaves?

      • SoWhyMe
        January 7, 2012, 12:02 am | #

        I’d like to see a drawing (or more in sequence) of Shellinx bringing up a furball! Could be worse than Amanda’s cat.

      • Dave
        January 7, 2012, 11:33 am | #

        Probably would be worse… feathers mixed in with the hair… yuck.

      • Danzier
        January 6, 2012, 12:32 pm | #

        One cup in the morning? Is that because by the time said cup is gone it’s afternoon, or because someone doesn’t get hangovers? 😉

      • Yamara
        January 6, 2012, 2:10 pm | #

        One cup from a well trained demon barista with wide experience with pharmaceuticals.

      • Dave
        January 6, 2012, 2:31 pm | #

        Ah. “Recaf”. They take the caffeine out of decaf, and add it to freshly French-roasted espresso beans. Very popular among software engineers working on a late-night bug-chasing expedition.

        You do have to have a prescription in order to buy a cup, though. Fortunately, there are plenty of doctors out there on the Internet who will issue you one, after you fill out a simple on-line survey.

        It’s a bit like the “World’s Hottest Hamburger” sold by the Prince of Wales pub in San Mateo, California (it’s topped by about 1/4″ of what looks like red pickle relish… and is really sauteed habanero or savina pepper). You have to sign a waiver before they’ll sell you one… if you finish it, they’ll give you another one for free if you want it… and a few hours after finishing it, you will “have a religious experience” in the words of the co-worker who took me there for lunch.

  24. The Old Wolf
    January 6, 2012, 11:36 am | # | Reply

    Ahaha! That’s Lucky Luke for the 21st century. Five-star panel today, Paul! 😀

    • Fairportfan
      January 8, 2012, 10:31 pm | # | Reply

      if you’re referring to the “Lucky Luke” comic, Terence Hill (who i’ve mentioned already in these comments) did a series of “Lucky Luke” films, as both producer and star. (Roger Miller did the voice of Jolly Jumper)

      My first wife and i used to dream of What Could Have Been if Hill and Spencer in their younger days had been cast as Asterix and Obelix.

  25. The Old Wolf
    January 6, 2012, 11:38 am | # | Reply

    Being teetotal, I don’t frequent bars a lot. I would have paid a hefty cover just to be there that evening…

  26. Danzier
    January 6, 2012, 12:21 pm | # | Reply

    Off-topic, but I have to. I cross-linked to Wapsi in my blog today, so here’s the back-link. Schrodinger’s Timeline?!

    • Wolf
      January 6, 2012, 2:53 pm | # | Reply

      Fascinating, Danzier; thank you for the links – this one, and the links within your blog!

    • Kessog
      January 6, 2012, 7:13 pm | # | Reply

      That Hello Schroddy t-shirt is the best!

      • Fairportfan
        January 7, 2012, 5:31 pm | #

        I used that as one of my avatars for a while.

    • Dave
      January 6, 2012, 8:36 pm | # | Reply

      There’s a cartoon I saw years ago, and have never been able to find again… I wonder if you know where a copy can be found?

      It is, of course, of Schrodinger’s Cat – a cute little kitten, standing in a window if I remember correctly. It’s partially transparent, so it’s both there, and not there.

      It’s speaking to the viewer… and what it’s saying is “μ”.

      A really wonderful geek-visual-pun… and I lost track of the darned thing. Anybody seen it, or know where it appeared?

    • Yamara
      January 6, 2012, 10:57 pm | # | Reply

      Neat! Additional exploration required.
      …or, sapiently resisted…?

  27. Nimrod
    January 6, 2012, 2:36 pm | # | Reply

    Good thing she saved her drink as we all know how important that is to her…

    Had anyone told me a few years ago that her character would say, and I quote:
    “Hey, fuckfaces, I heard what you were saying about my sisters. I’m going to beat the living fuck out of you.”

    I would have not believed it even possible.
    Given all the recent changes in this character I have started just ignoring her until some other plot element comes along.

    Also – think for a second, what sort of person punches three people for trash talking? In my mind that is actually a weak person.

    The stronger she gets the weaker she becomes.

    • Wolf
      January 6, 2012, 4:07 pm | # | Reply

      Nimrod: “what sort of person punches three people for trash talking? In my mind that is actually a weak person.”

      Maybe. Maybe not.

      In the Wapsiverse, it’s been made very clear on several different occasions that Shelly has been made the subject of bullying, racial and sexual harassment.

      Yes, as Sonicthunder noted, Shelly is quick to anger (engine block across shop, anyone?), yet at no time has she caused irreparable harm to any living thing, being very aware of her strength.

      Curious, Sonicthunder; how long do you put up with bullies and their ilk who just will not leave you alone, even when you get the law involved? Do you reach a point where you sigh, say “enough is enough”, and take action?

      How do you react when you’ve had a lifetime of racial epithets thrown in your face when all you’re trying to do is enjoy a quiet night out at a restaurant or theater or going shopping?

      OK, maybe you’re one of the few who can always walk away, always remain silent in the face of blatant sexism or racism or any other kind of discrimination. Is that strength? Perhaps.

      Conversely, it also takes strength to confront small-minded people like that, be it verbally or otherwise. Some succeed at that peacefully; Ghandi, Martin Luther King; no doubt many others will come to mind.

      One to one; no problem; I was always taught “let the bully take the first swing, then take them out.”

      More than one? I’ve walked away when I could; if in a very public place, humiliated them/put them down verbally – but, there have been times where the bullies just didn’t give a damn, kept harassing me and mine regardless of what we did; followed us to our car, spat on us – and I can’t even begin to count how many times this has happened.

      The last time, in a bar, I reacted the same way (though without Shelly’s incredible speed!) – and got thanked by many of the patrons and the owner as well, who had repeatedly asked them to leave (she didn’t have a bouncer.)

      Thing is, considering Shelly’s very conscious awareness of her strength, how stress triggers her shift to Shelinx, Shelly, to me, is exhibiting remarkable restraint both consciously and physically. To me, that IS strength.

      Shrug. Maybe I am wrong; however, I can go only on my own experiences and that of my friends and family – and those experiences have taught us that bullies will always be bullies until someone stands up to them, and yes, if needed, puts them down.

    • Fairportfan
      January 7, 2012, 8:03 am | # | Reply

      scoff scoff

    • Danzier
      January 7, 2012, 9:10 am | # | Reply

      “What sort of person punches three people for trash talking?”

      We’ve got names for ’em: Packer fans (possibly Vikings fans in MN) coworkers, and neighbors. I live in a town where a typical streetcorner has either one bar or two bars…

    • Jay-Em
      January 8, 2012, 5:02 am | # | Reply

      Nimrod,

      Usually I ignore Your seething negativity, because every now&then You bring up very good points.

      This isn’t one of those.

      Bullies will only stop if outranked on the “imminent and/or actual” violence.
      I have had more than enough confrontations with bullies, tried to NOT let them win by me going violent. Hwever, having said that, they seldomly accept being ignored.

      That’s the whole problem there. They bully because it makes them feel strong/superior. It is an addictive feeling.power over someone, to overwhelm ones own insecurities, is an addictive rush. Only once in my life did I deck a bully, he flew 3 meters through the air, to my own astonishment, got up again, beat me to a pulp ( being an advanced bar-brawler and all) buuut… I NEVER was bothered again by him, or any other guy in his circle. I hated that I had to knock him outof his boots, so to speak, to have him, and his people leave me be, but it was -in hindsight- the only route I could have taken, though it made me reel dirty and somewhat sick.

      EXACTLY the reason I abhor violence, be it physical, be it verbal.

      To get people out of that rush, sometimes -sadly- can only be achieved through physical violence. A bit like a toddler in that ” i want that…” -state, where they swell up, go all red and almost choke in their greedy anger, and a parent has noother way than to “shock” said toddler back into reality by a good dusting of his/her pampers.. If you get my drift.

      Same here. These guys weren’t going to stop, given their rude comment to Shelly, so, she dusted their pampers, shaking them out of their “power-rush” A rush that probably came from bullying the other girls, that were unable to defend themselves.

      I am completely with Wolf and Shelly here.

      My advise is: do some living, before condemning stuff on sight.

      • Jay-Em
        January 8, 2012, 5:25 am | #

        By the by: in all honesty, former military policeman here, so I may be a bit biased.

      • Fairportfan
        January 8, 2012, 10:32 pm | #

        More like knowledgeable.

      • Jay-Em
        January 9, 2012, 2:55 am | #

        *tips hat*
        Thank You.
        Coming from a viet-vet like You, that feels like a giant compliment.

    • GreyWolf
      February 28, 2012, 2:07 am | # | Reply

      What others have already said, I don’t want to repeat it all. Civilized people do try other means first … diplomacy, threat of police involvement, whatever.

      But with some bullies there comes a point where it is clear: they will not stop until you say it in their language.

      As my Dad taught me when I was young: “never throw the first punch, that makes you a bully … but never be afraid to throw the last punch, that may be the only way it stops.”

      I have, on more than one occasion, shown a bully what it feels like to be the victim. Not because it gave me any pleasure, but because I knew that was the only way left for them to understand.

  28. kermit
    January 6, 2012, 2:54 pm | # | Reply

    Paul, you have done some might fine strips before – they’re all top notch, but some are topper than others – but this was a thing of beauty. Raised the hackles on my neck. As seeing a top predator in action should.

  29. Sonicthunder
    January 6, 2012, 3:34 pm | # | Reply

    Hmm. Hoping this develops into more on Monday. Shelly’s been quick to anger in the past, and known to throw fists at the drop of a hat. Also, considering the freak displays of strength she exhibited prior to being “sphinxed”, Shelly was always at risk of causing severe damage or death when she got in a fight.

    Unless this is a “trappings of old come back to haunt ye” moment, it just seems like retreading ground.

    In fact, if anything, Monica should just be “So, a normal Friday at the club for you eh?” at this point. And if this club is the Cerberus club again, the girls are just begging to get a lifetime ban (literally blowing up bathrooms, starting brawls, most clubs don’t approve of these actions).

    • Jay-Em
      January 8, 2012, 5:29 am | # | Reply

      Well, Shelly is obviously distraught by what happened, so, even she, brawler-attitude and all, feels uneasy by it.

      Monday will be interesting indeed( if only for the nice little root-canal I’ll have to look out to…ugh!…)

  30. SoWhyMe
    January 6, 2012, 3:43 pm | # | Reply

    The real problem with doing this to deal with bigots simply reinforces their views. They may be more reluctant to express them in the future, but they will feel justified in their racism. Then there is the whole free speech thing. That includes wrong-headed speech as well. But then, once a bully, always a bully. And I’m referring to Shelly.

    • Wolf
      January 6, 2012, 4:11 pm | # | Reply

      OK; links to pages that back up your assessment that Shelly is a bully?

      None that I can remember.

      If there are such pages, that could result in an interesting conversation that would need to take place elsewhere rather than here on Paul’s forum.

      See my response to Nimrod for my take on this.

      • Francisco
        January 6, 2012, 4:51 pm | #

        The subject came up when Owen realised that Shelly had feelings for him (he was already dating that other woman).

      • Francisco
        January 6, 2012, 4:58 pm | #

        I can’t remember exactly when it was but I can still remember the scene:

        It was in the repair shop. He stated that he now realises that Shelly was a bully but, because she protected him, he didn’t see it before. He then went on to say that he hadn’t thought about the emotions behind her treatment of him.

        She gets angry and pulls back her hand. She then gives him a peck on the cheek “for flinching”.

      • Francisco
        January 6, 2012, 5:43 pm | #

        I just remembered something that may help others remember and/or find the Owen incident:

        After the talk with Owen, Shelly gets drunk with Monica and Amanda. Shelly then falls off the billboard’s platform.

      • SoWhyMe
        January 6, 2012, 4:58 pm | #

        http://wapsisquare.com/comic/run-rabbit/
        I think we already had that conversation there.

        She also talked about protecting weaker kids from bullies somewhere. Thing is, it made her a bully as well. Basically, she always tended to resort of some sort of physical violence to solve a situational problem. That’s what a bully does.

      • Francisco
        January 6, 2012, 5:10 pm | #

        Thank you for that link. That was one of the other incidents when the subject was raised.

      • SoWhyMe
        January 6, 2012, 5:41 pm | #

        You’re welcome, and in return, here is the comic to which you referred.
        http://wapsisquare.com/comic/07152004/

      • SoWhyMe
        January 6, 2012, 5:47 pm | #

        Well, that one and the next two.

      • Francisco
        January 6, 2012, 6:14 pm | #

        Thank you very much. That’s the sequence I was thinking of.

      • Wolf
        January 6, 2012, 6:12 pm | #

        Let’s see if I understand you correctly.

        She observes weaker kids being bullied. She stands up for them in a way that bullies understand.

        Therefore she is a bully.

        OK.

        Your child is bullied, hazed, and harassed at school. No one stands up for your child. You bring in the law.

        Therefore, by your reasoning, you are a bully.

      • Wolf
        January 6, 2012, 6:55 pm | #

        My apologies in advance; I know my reply is going to get a lot of people upset. Fine. Be that as it may.

        This is a very sore topic for me. Being half American Indian|Native American|First nations| whatever –

        Combined with being classified|hazed|teased|abused because I was an “egghead” (interested in science, physics, chemistry, etc.) and harassed, hazed, beaten up (LITERALLY by the “jocks”) and laughed at, made fun of, etc. –

        I’m with Shelly. PERIOD.

        It doesn’t matter how many laws are passed: “No Tolerance” for one; and the old time-worn cliche that “One cannot legistlate morality.”

        Simply said: the system does. not. work.

        Period.

        When confronted with – “uncomfortable truths” – Most people roll over and play dead, and do not speak out against the blatantly obvious injustices and mistreatment of minorities, of the (using the politically-correct term) “challenged”.

        For the victims? Most of us retreat and withdraw from “society” and, yet again, are ostracized because “we’re not personable, we’re not friendly, we’re not sociable” – and we are damned, put down, told that we’ve got to “get out of our shells” and become “functional members of society.”

        When did being an introvert, when did being someone interested in science, sociology, become a crime?

        Oh, if one is a highly-visible scientist such as Carl Sagan or Stephen Hawkings? Gee, no probemo; they’s famous, they’s know what they’s talking about. THEY’S worth reading, listening to.

        When one of us “common folk” come up with similar ideas? Yeah. Right.

        Harassment, hazing, and worse.

        Damned if we do, damned if we do not.

        And we wonder why people “go postal” and completely, totally, condemn those who cross the line and react in ways that are “socially unacceptable” ?

        We’re “strong” if we ignore it, take it in, let it wash off our backs, and do absolutely fricken’ nothing.

        Oh. But we are weak, pathetic, etc. if we DO react to that, say something about that, take action against that treatment.

        Give me a freaken’ break.

        Oh. No.

        You can’t do that. Us “geeks|eggheads|nerds” are violating the status quo. How DARE we go against popular opinion?

        How dare we? After all, THAT flies in the face of “words don’t hurt me.” That flies in the face of looking at WHY people “go postal” – gee, let’s just medicate them into submission so we don’t have to face the underlying causes.

        Oh Lawdy, I gotta conform, I gotta go with the Popular Opinon, I gotta go with what the Media(TM) tells me is right and wrong, otherwise, OH lawdy, I’m a misfit, an outcast, and I just cannot go there!”

        Anyways.

        Shelly is one of my favorite characters. Why?

        Because her experiences, her ways of dealing with them, learning from them, USING them to grow – resonates deeply.

        Heh.

        Says a hellalot about Paul’s ability to touch very real life issues, and get people to really thinking about them, eh?

        For that: Thank You Paul, from the depths of my heart, soul, and being.

      • SoWhyMe
        January 6, 2012, 11:47 pm | #

        As pointed out, even other Wapsi characters consider her a bully. If I called the cops, I would not be the bully, the cops would. Being a bully is a part of their job description. Bullying for good reasons still makes you a bully. Her actions here were wrong, period. Taking them on verbally or standing between them and the harassees was the right action. If they came at her, or the others, then she has the right/obligation to put them down (though she could have simply restrained them) Not before. As you said;

        “Most people roll over and play dead, and do not speak out against the blatantly obvious injustices and mistreatment of minorities”

        Speak out, not physically lash out. There is a world of difference. Everyone should have the right to say what’s on
        their minds, regardless if good or bad to others. When you physically strike them down for merely talking, you cross the line and that leads to a worse situation for everyone in the end. One cannot condone that either.

        “When did being an introvert, when did being someone interested in science, sociology, become a crime? ”

        Since the Unibomber at the most recent. People always distrust the loner. It’s human nature. Rail against it all you wish, but that’s how it is and isn’t likely to ever change.

        Being a bully is doubly bad when you know the opposition can’t hurt you. When you know you could easily restrain them unstead of punching them down. She is abusing her power here, plain and simple.

        There are other points I would address, but I don’t want to drag this out (I know, too late).

      • Wolf
        January 7, 2012, 1:25 am | #

        Point taken; I’d forgotten about those two panels.

        I wonder though.

        Is she a bully whose only target was other bullies? Does that still mean she’s a bully? Owen indeed does, but a “bully that was my best friend.”

        The context seems to be only the school grounds, which, with no monitor or teacher around, can be brutal to those who aren’t by nature violent.

        I wish I’d had a bully/big sister/big brother like Shelly when I was in school 😛

        Paula and Rayes comments on the http://wapsisquare.com/comic/07152004/ strip are ones I could have written, and with which I agree.

        If being a bully is “one who resorts to violence to resolve a situation,” then OK; I stand corrected.

        I just never saw her as a bully, because I resonate with the situations (those two strips, for example) where she used violence to resolve verbal and physical abuse.

        Heh, which I’ve done as well, though I can’t throw a V8 block across a shop 😉

      • Wolf
        January 7, 2012, 1:31 am | #

        Good points, SoWhyMe and Francisco;

        Interesting perspectives, seriously, that you both have expressed. ‘Tis given me some thinking to do; again in all seriousness, thank you 🙂

      • Valkeiper
        January 7, 2012, 4:16 am | #

        You’re not the only one.

        I like to read webcomics and play online games; but the forums for both can get extremely interesting

  31. Sheik
    January 6, 2012, 5:25 pm | # | Reply

    One has to take a moment to realize that, at least in this case, our favorite half-sphinx has a way to warp physics beyond mere speed.
    She beat a free-falling object she dropped to the floor.
    So how is it she can fall faster?

    • SoWhyMe
      January 6, 2012, 5:43 pm | # | Reply

      Power dive.

    • Dave
      January 6, 2012, 5:56 pm | # | Reply

      Could she have knocked those three guys upwards and backwards hard enough to propel her backwards and downwards towards her falling glass?

    • throopw
      January 6, 2012, 8:23 pm | # | Reply

      It’s a bit hard to tell from the depiction, but in general her center of mass wouldn’t have to drop much during the maneuver, if one or both of her lets were being extended as she bends down. The main thing would be to start the spin before or simultaneous to the release of the glass, do about 270 degrees of rotation while clubbing the … objects of her ire with her fist at the same time dropping her shoulders and raising a leg or two for balance,and finally opening her fist at the right time to catch the glass. I can almost see it…

      • scantrontb
        January 6, 2012, 9:07 pm | #

        look at panel 4. it seems that she also raised her hand before the drop, as her wrist is definitely HIGHER than her elbow in that panel… now, by the same token, that could ALSO mean she just kept her HAND at the same level and DROPPED her elbow, too… unsure which, as both panels 1 (before), and the “fist” portion of panel 5 (after the drop) show her arm as level from shoulder to wrist…

      • SoWhyMe
        January 6, 2012, 11:52 pm | #

        Also, keep in mind, an object falls at a rate significantly slower in the first second, so there is extra time for her to do the deed and come back.

      • Fairportfan
        January 7, 2012, 8:01 am | #

        Sixteen feet in the first second…

      • throopw
        January 7, 2012, 5:42 pm | #

        Let’s say she drops it from shoulder height and catches it at waist height. That’s maybe 2 feet to fall. That means she has about a third of a second to spin 270 degrees and pop the three targets right in the snoot.

        I think it’s doable. Not that *I* could, mind you. But it seems physically doable within human capabilities, let alone a sphinx.

        Now, whether the depiction is compatible with a shoulder-to-waist fall is another issue; it’s a bit unclear. But even if it only drops one foot, that’s still a quarter of a second.

      • FatUncle
        January 7, 2012, 6:53 pm | #

        Oh, Mike, for shame. Earth’s gravitational field is 32.1740 ft/s squared.

        If I were not so tired my head is not working, I would guesstimate height above ground, apply formula, and give the answer in elapsed time. But since I have had to correct over a dozen typo’s in the sentence above, I won’t chance it. Any geek supplying the answer will have my gratitude.

        Let’s just say, it is unlikely anyone in the bar even saw Shelly move. It had to be that fast.

      • throopw
        January 7, 2012, 10:13 pm | #

        A third of a second to fall two feet. That’s not invisibly fast. Further, her ending position is quite different in profile from her starting position, so it’s the sort of thing that’d get perceived. Motions occurring in a *tenth* if a second are visible even if only in a “something happened but I don’t know what” sort of way, so a third of a second is should be relatively easy. Though still in a “something happened and it involved hitting, but I didn’t *quite* catch it” sort of way.

      • illiad
        January 8, 2012, 7:24 pm | #

        nope, gravity is 32 feet per sec, per second..
        – that means it will fall 32 feet in the first second! in the next second, it will fall 64… 🙂
        but we only have a max of 6 or 7 feet,- it will hit the floor in about 1/4 sec..

      • throopw
        January 8, 2012, 7:59 pm | #

        “gravity is 32 feet per sec, per second.. – that means it will fall 32 feet in the first second!”

        That turns out not to be the case. 32 ft/s^2 means it will fall 16 feet in the first second. The formula for distance covered at a given acceleration in a given time is (1/2)at^2.

        Or, look at it this way. At the start of the first second, the speed is zero. It increases smoothly and at the end, it’s 32ft/s. Meaning that the average rate for the first second is 16ft/s.

        If you solve for time, you get sqrt(2d/a). Plug in 32ft/s^2 for a and 2ft for d, gives her a bit more than a third of a second to act during a drop from shoulder to waist. Plug in 1 ft, she still gets a quarter second.

      • Fairportfan
        January 8, 2012, 10:45 pm | #

        For those disagreeing with me as to it being sixteen feet in the forst second – sotty – bzzzt! – t hatnks for playing.

        At the end of the first second, a freely-falling object will be falling at 32 ft/sec – that’s what the “per second per second”/”squared” means; it picks up 32 ft/sec every second it accelerates. Acceleration is the derivative of distance over time – and it works out (in generalized form) to 1/2 at^2 – one half the acceleration times the square of the time.

        In terms of gravity, that means 1/2 * 32 * t^2:

        16 ft in one second (32 ft/sec terminal velocity)
        64 ft in 2 seconds (64 ft/sec)
        144 ft in 3 sec (96 ft/sec)
        256 ft in 4 sec (126 ft/sec)
        etc…

        A third of a second would be 16 * (1/3)^2 = 16 * 1/9 = 1.8 ft (roughly)

      • Fairportfan
        January 8, 2012, 10:47 pm | #

        (urgh. messed up the e-mail and it’s awaiting moderation. so here it is again; just kill the first one)

        For those disagreeing with me as to it being sixteen feet in the forst second – sorry – bzzzt! – thanks for playing.

        At the end of the first second, a freely-falling object will be falling at 32 ft/sec – that’s what the “per second per second”/”squared” means; it picks up 32 ft/sec every second it accelerates. Acceleration is the derivative of distance over time – and it works out (in generalized form) to 1/2 at^2 – one half the acceleration times the square of the time.

        In terms of gravity, that means 1/2 * 32 * t^2:

        16 ft in one second (32 ft/sec terminal velocity)
        64 ft in 2 seconds (64 ft/sec)
        144 ft in 3 sec (96 ft/sec)
        256 ft in 4 sec (126 ft/sec)
        etc…

        A third of a second would be 16 * (1/3)^2 = 16 * 1/9 = 1.8 ft (roughly)

  32. Opus the Poet
    January 6, 2012, 5:25 pm | # | Reply

    I believe they call that the “Larry, Moe, and Curly” punch.

    • Opus the Poet
      January 6, 2012, 5:28 pm | # | Reply

      And that last panel is her completing the pirouette after punching the guys’ lights out and catching her glass before it hits the floor…

    • Dave
      January 6, 2012, 5:50 pm | # | Reply

      *chuckle*. That’s the thought that came to me, too… the classic Three Stooges N-way row slap.

  33. Becky
    January 6, 2012, 5:37 pm | # | Reply

    So glad to see Shelly is still herself, even after that psychedelic trip through the forest.

  34. Paula
    January 6, 2012, 5:52 pm | # | Reply

    Hope the ending of this story is not that the cops were called and one of them was Justin…

    I was wondering about Bud encouraging Shelly to beat the guys up.

    Shelly might have told Bud about the intimate fears she been having (which possibly got them to the pub in the first place) so it IS possible that Bud did it so Shelly would sort of relax.
    Kinda like how peeps go boxing when stressed at work?
    And if that is the case then might be tempting to think that Bud was being very silly by provoking Shelly in this manner..but Bud IS an all powerful golem. Even with her strength and Sphinxyness I think Bud could easily subdue her so there was never any risk to anyone in that bar..

    That and I doubt bud considered Shelly would do a frikkin River Tam….

    • Sonicthunder
      January 6, 2012, 7:58 pm | # | Reply

      True, though judging by the notepad scribble (odd how that’s become the “thought bubble” equivalent for Shelly) I think Bud might have had one too many drinks to make any complex decision.

      Bud probably was coherent enough through her stupor to recall “Golem punching humans = bad”, especially after the tongue-lashing she got from Brandi over provoking the police, so she just made the mortal do it for her. Same way Tina “accidentally” did to Shelly when human-Nudge first appeared. Poor girl’s just a walking hammer for the immortals.

    • Wyvern
      January 6, 2012, 8:47 pm | # | Reply

      I had expected Bud to hold the drink.

    • scantrontb
      January 6, 2012, 8:59 pm | # | Reply

      yeah, i made that same thought line yesterday, though i don’t think Bud was thinking along the lines of possibly having to subdue Shellynx. i think she went as far as “get Shelly into a fight big enough the Cute Nerdy COP gets called in to break it up, flirt with cop… after that… TBD…” and that’s where the thought stops…

    • scantrontb
      January 6, 2012, 9:13 pm | # | Reply

      That and I doubt bud considered Shelly would do a frikkin River Tam…

      HA… THANK YOU… Summer Glau is coming to this years Emerald City Comic Con here in Seattle in March, her and Jayne are among the guests scheduled, and i couldn’t remember her characters name!!! (and too lazy to look it up, to boot!)

      • Maark30
        January 6, 2012, 10:58 pm | #

        Maybe you can mention the ‘Wapsi Girl Project’ to her during any Q&A she might have. Same goes to anyone that might get to meet Felicia Day at a con.

  35. KarlMonster
    January 6, 2012, 11:24 pm | # | Reply

    Yep. Spaghetti Western-y.

    I don’t know about the banter part, but the drink-juggling is reminiscent of a Henry Fonda film called “My Name is Nobody.” IDMB shows 7.3 but I thought it was awful.

    • SoWhyMe
      January 7, 2012, 12:30 am | # | Reply

      That’s not saying much. ALL the Spaghetti Westerns were god-awful.

      • Fairportfan
        January 7, 2012, 7:49 am | #

        You might want to reconsider that – the two top Westerns on IMDB’s list (as voted by at least 1000 users) are spaghetti Westerns. (I personally think that the order is backward there, but only by a hair.)

        The Treasure of Sierra Madre is third.

      • Fairportfan
        January 7, 2012, 7:58 am | #

        See my review of Once Upon a Time in the West, IMDB’s #2 Western, my personal choice for #1.

      • Valkeiper
        January 7, 2012, 4:43 pm | #

        I had forgotten Clint Eastwood did spaghetti westerns.

        Ok, the BBU was a decent movie.

        It was nowhere close to the quality of his other flicks (namely “dirty Harry”); but it does stand out in an otherwise lousy group.

  36. Valkeiper
    January 7, 2012, 4:22 am | # | Reply

    Not all spaghetti-westerns were god-awful.

    Gimme a couple hours and I’m sure I could remember a decent one.

    Most likely, the duke will be in it.

    • W.
      January 7, 2012, 12:51 pm | # | Reply

      The Duke did John Ford westerns. Spaghetti-westerns were popularized and directed by Sergio Leone ,who was often imitated, poorly.

      • Jay-Em
        January 8, 2012, 5:16 am | #

        Plus a lot of them were shot in Spain. There still are complete sets/ western villages scattered about in the dry center of Spain.
        I believe they became something of a ” compostello” -location for western fans.(=elderly gentlemen&ladies.. Yup.. Geeks aren’t only from this time)

      • Fairportfan
        January 8, 2012, 10:50 pm | #

        Shooting partly in Spain and partly in Monument valley on Once Upon a Time in the West, Leone had to import several hundred pounds of (reddish) Monument Valley dust to match in a couple of scenes instead of using the local, Spanish (yellowish) dust.

  37. kingklash
    January 7, 2012, 11:21 am | # | Reply

    She’s upset with herself that this reaction just happened so easily, seperate from a reasonable course of action. She knows that this didn’t have to happen, but we are dealing with human beings, there isn’t really any solid rules, or definitions of behavior, despite all the psychology. If you kill them, they won’t learn, but amazing that there are times when a light rap in the chops says more than years of couch confessions. Some people are just like that, and we all will have to deal with that eventually. Next time, Shelly will do better. But really, I don’t blame her this time. I’ve been on the business end of similar remarks, and no matter which way you cut it, it hurts like a mofo.

    • Valkeiper
      January 7, 2012, 3:34 pm | # | Reply

      Please don’t mention ‘cutting’ when it comes to bars.

      When I was the navy, a fellow ‘special ops’ member was in plain clothes when a drunk started in on his heritage. My friend was also very drunk and turned out quite irresponsible from it.

      He was drinking from a bottle when the drunk accosted him and he didn’t warn the drunk.

      He shattered the bottle on the drunk’s noggin and proceeded to use the edges of the broken bottle on the drunk and the bouncers who reacted.

      He was sentenced to 40 years in Leavenworth.

  38. AvengerReloaded
    January 7, 2012, 1:48 pm | # | Reply

    Is there such a thing as a controlled loss of control? If she were truly out of control, wouldn’t those three have had heads that ended up like tomato paste.
    So why hit them at all? I would say they needed a sincere tap with a clue by four.

    • Sheik
      January 7, 2012, 4:01 pm | # | Reply

      She didn’t lose control.
      Her old habit of being the schoolyard bully simply came to the fore.
      Shelly exhibited an incredible amount of control by not following through with those punches. Those yoyos were merely tapped. Granted, tapped by a sphinx but tapped nonetheless.

    • Jay-Em
      January 8, 2012, 5:18 am | # | Reply

      “tamato sauce”? Nope, “Fish sauce” …eww… 😀

  39. Valkeiper
    January 7, 2012, 4:54 pm | # | Reply

    The fact that she wasn’t arrested (or should it be ‘nobody attempted to arrest her’?) tells me it was considered appropriate force.

    Kind of hard to see excessive when you notice the same punch had to take out three and there was not followup.

    Sorry, but as somebody who has been trained how to apply ‘hand to skull’ on occasion; I do not suggest a fist.

    The carpels (finger bones) tend to be quite a bit more fragile than a braincase. Now, cheekbones and noses are viable targets; but mandibles (jawbones) and braincases (skulls) are asking for fractured carpels.

    Best to use leopard paws (open hand strikes) because the palm is considered an ‘indestructible’ part of the body (alone with the elbow).

    • Fairportfan
      January 7, 2012, 5:29 pm | # | Reply

      There’s a style the Israelis teach their army – it depends on the fact that, for instance, a direct strike with the wrist, using essentially the end of the bone to punch, can deliver ungodly amounts of force without serious risk of energy to yourself.

      Matt Helm once described the philosophy the members of his very secret assassination agency followed: “You hit the soft parts of people with your hand. You hit the hard parts with an implement.”

      Of course Miles Vorkosigan has an even better system: Summon a large and highly-trained minion.

      • Dusty668
        January 7, 2012, 7:28 pm | #

        <3 Miles

      • Danzier
        January 7, 2012, 11:51 pm | #

        Yes that. 😀 … but not Mark.

      • Danzier
        January 8, 2012, 3:16 pm | #

        Although, from Miles Vorkosigan’s point of view, any minion is a large minion. Training may vary by uniform, affiliation, and past encounters with Miles. 😉

  40. Centaur71
    January 9, 2012, 4:12 pm | # | Reply

    YOU GO GIRL, I SAID YOU GO!!! <3

  41. Erin
    January 10, 2012, 3:53 pm | # | Reply

    ong omg my first thought was seriously that she’s wearing her hair there like she did when the strip began. I feel nerdy.

    Also she’s awesome. Yes.

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