Cas did almost blast a hole clean through the school when the gang were all woken up in the middle of the night…
.
I don’t really mean to be “that guy”, but…
…in the second panel Dayla’s speech bubble has the word “that” repeated in a way which doesn’t quite make sense. Maybe “…so that…” would be better instead?
Sigh, I hate to bring bad news.
Paul, I love this webcomic a lot. But this is one of those cases where you really need to “Show, don’t tell”
This would be much more of an impactful scene and made the character development feel more “real” to the audience if we were shown the others looking for Daylla and this situation unfolding, instead of just being told it after the fact. You could have interspersed it with Daylla’s misadventures; IMO that wouldn’t have been too hard to follow.
I’ll be honest, “Show, don’t tell” has been a problem in this series for a long time. It was worse in the early parts, got really bad in parts surrounding “the calendar machine” and Astali’s introduction and first adventure with Katherine.
You’ve gotten noticably better at it since then, but it still happens some, such as here.
I hope I was reasonable with my attempt at constructive criticism.
Anyways, keep doing the good work with these interesting characters.
Just what I was thinking. In addition, there were scenes of Digit passing out flashlights, indicating the search was ongoing. Or was Paul supposed to show every detai of everyone’s search? That would get really old really quick. I know my mind was focusing on “WHEE IS DAYLILA AND WHO/WHAT DISSAPPEARED HER?!?!?!?!”, not “What is everyone doing to find her?”
Paul, you certainly did show us… at the time, I thought it stood out from the page like a flare going off.
In the second of those four strips, Shawna stepped into the role of search organizer, directing teams to search in a coordinated fashion.
Anybody who has ever taken a CERT or emergency-management class would recognize what she did: in the absence of anyone with more experience, she took on the role of Incident Commander, and directed the response to the emergency. “If you ask ‘Who is in charge?’ and don’t get an answer… you are.” I’d call it a textbook-perfect spontaneous ICS activation by a civilian.
I’d be interested to learn whether Shawna actually had some form of ICS training (is there a para equivalent to the Girl Scouts?), or whether she’s a natural leader and organizer. In either case, you showed us that she has sand… she has a strength of character that wasn’t apparent in what we seen of her earlier in her focus on Hiroshi.
Believe they do have Para Scouts, can remember one (or two?) pages showing Mon and Shell having a race to catch up to a troop selling cookies
Speaking of, the local Girl Guides have decided not to manufacture or sell Girl Guides biscuits anymore, butt instead focus on the ‘core ideals’ (whatever the hael that means)
I was wondering the same thing. Shawna only took charge really for one panel, with one dialogue box. Most commenters seem to disagree but whatever. Maybe this is an opportunity to flesh things out there with a fanart strip I’ve been meaning to do! And an opportunity to get some more mileage out of Shawna’s pajamas…
There’s a difference between being a leader and being bossy; being a leader means taking charge when the sitch calls for such actions. Being bossy is assuming ‘leadership’ for selfish reasons (just to make oneself look good) 🤨
Why do I feel suspicious about Daylla’s motives…
?
She is just thanking Shawna for saving the school, and for helping find her
I do think Daylla has more than one goal here.
Cas did almost blast a hole clean through the school when the gang were all woken up in the middle of the night…
.
I don’t really mean to be “that guy”, but…
…in the second panel Dayla’s speech bubble has the word “that” repeated in a way which doesn’t quite make sense. Maybe “…so that…” would be better instead?
But the way Pablo has it now is even better!
It would be a little clearer if there was a “so” in front of the first “that”.
Sigh, I hate to bring bad news.
Paul, I love this webcomic a lot. But this is one of those cases where you really need to “Show, don’t tell”
This would be much more of an impactful scene and made the character development feel more “real” to the audience if we were shown the others looking for Daylla and this situation unfolding, instead of just being told it after the fact. You could have interspersed it with Daylla’s misadventures; IMO that wouldn’t have been too hard to follow.
I’ll be honest, “Show, don’t tell” has been a problem in this series for a long time. It was worse in the early parts, got really bad in parts surrounding “the calendar machine” and Astali’s introduction and first adventure with Katherine.
You’ve gotten noticably better at it since then, but it still happens some, such as here.
I hope I was reasonable with my attempt at constructive criticism.
Anyways, keep doing the good work with these interesting characters.
The whole scene is 89 words. That’s not a lot of “telling”. Plus, we get to see Shawna with her knockers up. Excellent showing, in my book.
Uh, I did show them looking for her. They were running through the hall and to the stairwell calling Daylla’s name. Did you miss that? Showing more than that would’ve been redundant as the part of the story that was important was Daylla’s story.
http://wapsisquare.com/comic/get-up/
http://wapsisquare.com/comic/were-you-looking/
http://wapsisquare.com/comic/and-she-was-2/
http://wapsisquare.com/comic/not-our-job/
Just what I was thinking. In addition, there were scenes of Digit passing out flashlights, indicating the search was ongoing. Or was Paul supposed to show every detai of everyone’s search? That would get really old really quick. I know my mind was focusing on “WHEE IS DAYLILA AND WHO/WHAT DISSAPPEARED HER?!?!?!?!”, not “What is everyone doing to find her?”
We don’t need to know every detail.
Paul, you certainly did show us… at the time, I thought it stood out from the page like a flare going off.
In the second of those four strips, Shawna stepped into the role of search organizer, directing teams to search in a coordinated fashion.
Anybody who has ever taken a CERT or emergency-management class would recognize what she did: in the absence of anyone with more experience, she took on the role of Incident Commander, and directed the response to the emergency. “If you ask ‘Who is in charge?’ and don’t get an answer… you are.” I’d call it a textbook-perfect spontaneous ICS activation by a civilian.
I’d be interested to learn whether Shawna actually had some form of ICS training (is there a para equivalent to the Girl Scouts?), or whether she’s a natural leader and organizer. In either case, you showed us that she has sand… she has a strength of character that wasn’t apparent in what we seen of her earlier in her focus on Hiroshi.
Believe they do have Para Scouts, can remember one (or two?) pages showing Mon and Shell having a race to catch up to a troop selling cookies
Speaking of, the local Girl Guides have decided not to manufacture or sell Girl Guides biscuits anymore, butt instead focus on the ‘core ideals’ (whatever the hael that means)
I was going to mention that Paul’s comic has always been very heavy on the Exposition and therefore ends up being really Wordy. Sometimes.
There’s only ever going to be two, three, maybe four panels to work with per entry.
Somebody, in-comic, is going to Have Some Splain’n to Do…
I was wondering the same thing. Shawna only took charge really for one panel, with one dialogue box. Most commenters seem to disagree but whatever. Maybe this is an opportunity to flesh things out there with a fanart strip I’ve been meaning to do! And an opportunity to get some more mileage out of Shawna’s pajamas…
Is Daylla thanking Shawna for that or condemning her?
Think thanking her. But also think our lil maiden of steel is also setting Shawna up for something. 😊🤔
Seems like this was a thinly veiled warning to Shawna about the hazards of getting between Castela and Hiroshi.
If this is done on the Wacom, it seems to work very well!
I don’t see a reason for modifying anything… It is your story after all; I think listening to your story is better than trying to ‘correct’ it.
Oh… also, I was thinking that although Tina was messing with someone I forget who about Daylla not being daylla; it might be true. 🙂
…plus the paperwork is a bitch…
I’m still trying to figure out how my comments got swapped.
There’s a difference between being a leader and being bossy; being a leader means taking charge when the sitch calls for such actions. Being bossy is assuming ‘leadership’ for selfish reasons (just to make oneself look good) 🤨