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"The Donut Test"
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The Donut Test
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The Donut Test

by Paul Taylor on May 18, 2012 at 12:00 am
Story: Wapsi-Archive
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Discussion (102) ¬

  1. Daniel
    May 18, 2012, 12:23 pm | # | Reply

    $900!? *Jaw drops to the floor*

    • nerf-dweller
      May 18, 2012, 12:54 pm | # | Reply

      That the power of mass production (thanks to the unamed agency).

      Building that bra using existing technologies would be far more (an granting Memory Carbon Gauze exists) would be more expensive. the spider spider silk nor the carbon nanotubes can be mass produced cheaply. One bra like that might be $100K+.

    • xavienne66
      May 18, 2012, 1:57 pm | # | Reply

      Considering a basic push up bra in my size is 250$ or more? 900$ for a specially engineered non-newtonian spider silk bra is a steal.

      • Genisay
        May 19, 2012, 12:21 am | #

        Are you talking a custom made push up being $250? Otherwise, where are you shopping where a bra costs that much? XD

      • scantrontb
        May 19, 2012, 10:31 am | #

        Probably a place like “Jenette Bras” with the link above in the sidebar. and in real life, if you wanted anything CUSTOM -ENGINEERED, let alone just custom FITTED, you’re going to pay thru the nose, because of the R&D, materials, and even physically MAKING a ONE-TIME Item… if that “agency” hadn’t come in and ordered MORE of them in order for her to spread those costs over multiple items, she probably would have paid upwards of $10K or even like Nerf-Dweller said, $100K+.

        this price discussion reminds me of that $500 hammer scandal the US Military had a while ago. some engineer in the military did some calculations on his standard hammer and found that if a “simple”, (ha, it never it simple) 1/8th inch change to the radius of one of the curved parts were made, the hammer could withstand a massive amount of more force before breaking (it has been know to happen!) so he went to the hammer mfgr, and got a contract for them make the new style of hammers, it looked good on paper as they were used to making 10’s of THOUSANDS… EACH DAY… but the contract was for a really SMALL order for them, it was for something like 10k TOTAL… so ALL of the costs involved with re-tooling the assembly line, new design specs, new packaging, etc… had to get paid or by this one single order… thus the price jump from a few bucks each to $500 each… now, if that order were to have been for a couple of million or more hammers, instead of just the 10k, then the price would have been a reasonable amount per individual hammer, and no scandal…

      • Atomic
        May 19, 2012, 8:37 pm | #

        Ah, the glories of Government pricing… except if you actually look at what is being purchased, the money makes sense.

        The $500 hammer was special purchase, non-sparking, non-corroding metal for a very specific usage. Oilfield hammers, for example must not spark (fire, anyone?) so they are made of brass/bronze alloys strong enough to take a beating. Tools used in a titanium (aircraft) environment must Not contain cadmium — a common hardener in steel alloys, but it eats through titanium like bread mold.

        The $1000 toilet seat cover? No, a toilet cover — the entire back wall, horizontal and front face for an aircraft toilet. A seamless, sturdy single panel with an appropriate sized hole in the middle, for, well, a toilet seat.

        The $7000 coffee pot? A military grade aircraft coffee pot, above and beyond the standard $3000+ commercial airliner coffee pot. You know, the one that can boil a few gallons of water at 35,000 feet, and not detonate like a bomb if there’s a sudden pressure loss.

        Oh — and the Billion dollar bomber… A commercial 747-8 runs about $300 Million each. The B-2 airframe cost about $600M to produce. The extra is that the 747 development costs are spread over several thousand airframes, but the up front costs of making the B-2 over just 21 of them. Had they made the full run of 140-some, the incremental costs would have been much less, and the airframe cost would have been less also due to scale of production savings.

        Your tax dollars at work!

        So — $900 for a production run +1 specialty bra made of rainbows and unicorn snot? It’s very much a bargain!

      • Maark30
        May 19, 2012, 11:02 pm | #

        Thank you two. I needed that. I have spent hours on end with people I know that are conspiracy nuts that have gone on tears about those old scandals. For the first time I find people that not only look for the actual facts before looking for scandal, but the ones I had to listen to them freak out about. Thanks again.

      • bmonk
        May 20, 2012, 5:51 pm | #

        The B-2 was an interesting case, IIRC, because the “prototype” was not a special build, largely by hand–it was simply the first turned out on the regular production line. WHich probably reduced the total cost somewhat–but if they had decided not to crank out several more, it could have been pricey.

      • Atomic
        May 20, 2012, 8:24 pm | #

        Indeed, bmonk! The B-2 was an entirely computerized test design – straight into production with no prototypes. The most comparable adventure would probably be the XB-70. The requirements for Mach 3 (very fast=very hot) high altitude operation meant developing an entirely new stainless steel honeycomb skin (think metal cardboard made from razor blade thin sheet), figuring out how to build with it, shape it, and mount it on the framework. Not to mention tons of other problems to overcome. One nice part of that program is that many of those inventions live on: The air intake design lives on in the B-1 bomber (supersonic, multi-engine, and radar defeating) as does the navigation system.

        Moreover, the tire technology developed for dealing with a 500,000 pound aircraft (250 tons, folks!) are now part of the standards for the huge jumbo jets of today.

        P.S. – Teflon was invented in 1938, but came into major use in the Manhattan project, not Apollo. Nyah.

    • txmystic
      May 18, 2012, 2:33 pm | # | Reply

      The power of retail therapy. Long-term, disregarding her aversion to hospitals, reduction surgery might be more economical, but there’s no way to put a price on this kind of shopping experience.

      I say go for it!

    • zacharaiaha
      May 18, 2012, 2:51 pm | # | Reply

      What about her comment, $80 for your interesting friend. Lydia sees more than we think she does. What about Tina that she can see that makes her interesting? Lydia is more than a design engineer and Ninja handler.

      • Maark30
        May 18, 2012, 2:58 pm | #

        There is a standard maxim that “normal” people tend to ignore the strange and unusual. By that thinking the converse must also exist; The strange and unusual people will notice the strange and unusual. Magic or not, anyone that allows themselves to see the paranormal world, will. Lydia may just be one of those that has seen so many strange things that she can see past the ‘ignore it’ perception filter. I have a feeling that anyone with an ‘artistic bent’ is in that boat.

      • Kramegame
        May 18, 2012, 3:30 pm | #

        I can vouch for that one.

      • zacharaiaha
        May 18, 2012, 4:08 pm | #

        It isn’t simply artistic. It is anyone who is willing to see beyond the mundane that will notice. Poeple who live one track lives, don’t like change, and whose comfortert zone is same thing every day are the ones who won’t notice. You find both types anywhere. I actually think its a myth that artistic people are better suited to deal with the extraordinary.

      • Maark30
        May 18, 2012, 5:24 pm | #

        Oh I agree, I just used artistic since she is an artist, as most engineers tend to be.

      • jwhouk
        May 18, 2012, 9:08 pm | #

        She could be in the same boat as Heather, who just marveled at how Tina got her eyes so silver in color…

      • Siarles
        May 18, 2012, 8:41 pm | #

        I suggested on the last page that Lydia might be a zombie of sorts. I justified it back then, but I don’t feel like retyping it when its easyish to find.

    • CPUGuy1
      May 21, 2012, 8:20 am | # | Reply

      And … is she just going to buy ‘ONE’?
      What will she do when it’s in the dirty clothes hamper, then in the wash?

      • Mujaki
        May 21, 2012, 3:52 pm | #

        Well, this is a SPORTS bra. She’s only going to wear it while exercising, and then change into one of her other bras afterwards. When it’s in the hamper, she just won’t go to the gym that day.

    • Patrick
      July 2, 2012, 5:41 pm | # | Reply

      It is very stress relieving beating up ninjas. Plus you get a donut.
      In Monica’s world, it was a steal!
      😀

    • Greywolf1963
      May 14, 2019, 12:46 pm | # | Reply

      For a feat of engineering worthy of standing along side the Empire State building and the Golden Gate bridge, $900.00 if a bargain.

  2. Atomic
    May 18, 2012, 12:34 pm | # | Reply

    Jelly doughnuts — what can’t they do?

    Glad this finally made it up!

    • nerf-dweller
      May 18, 2012, 12:55 pm | # | Reply

      And what have we learned from this week? Monica knows Dessert style Kung Fu. Don’t get between Monica and her Jelly Doughnuts.

      • stjen
        May 19, 2012, 8:03 am | #

        Well — that’s exactly how Po in Kung Fu Panda had to be trained. It worked for him, it may work for her too.

        Hmm. Lydia and her ninjas as aerobics (and anaerobics) instructors…?

    • zacharaiaha
      May 18, 2012, 2:58 pm | # | Reply

      Tina was helping too. We know she has a lot of experience in coffee serving. Somehow she has to control those caffine deprived zombies in the morning. I can see it now. Black Belt Expresso, one lump or two with your order.

      • scantrontb
        May 19, 2012, 10:38 am | #

        Nah, it looks like she sat this one out, 1) because she’s still a bit shelled-shocked from getting peeled out of her clothes and re-fitted with practically skin-tight body armor. 2) because she’s a Demon, and she doesn’t want to risk a visit from a Sphinx to “correct” her violence issue for causing damage to a mortal. even if it was for sparring practice, i think the REST of the Sphinx community would take her out, remember Phix is NOT like the other Apo’s… and Mostly… 3) both of the silhouette’s have MUCH bigger breasts that Tina has.

  3. Michael Michael Motorcycle
    May 18, 2012, 12:35 pm | # | Reply

    I can understand that price. A bra like that would sell out at 10K a pop, because every woman would want one. We’d go into another depression because women everywhere would want a bra that can hold their body weight up on its own 😛

    • Maark30
      May 18, 2012, 3:01 pm | # | Reply

      Yes, but in this case the other client was probably DARPA looking for the next generation in urban combat protection. So the general public will not see this for several years yet.

    • Kramegame
      May 19, 2012, 11:00 pm | # | Reply

      wait… who would go into depression? I would think it would help our economy a bit if we had to figure out a way to mass produce these…

  4. TlalocW
    May 18, 2012, 12:56 pm | # | Reply

    Ominous foreshadowing… Unnamed agency?

    • Francisco
      May 18, 2012, 1:02 pm | # | Reply

      I suspect that that agency may be run by Bud and have its workforce dressed in black.

      • Jerry Lewis
        May 18, 2012, 2:34 pm | #

        There may be a Black Ops Bra Patrol in M’s future…

    • Maark30
      May 18, 2012, 3:05 pm | # | Reply

      Either MIB or DARPA looking to create a functional “Elite Babe Guard” sort of like the one Muammar Gaddafi had. Sports bras like that would be a godsend to anyone in a military or protective position.

      • Bucc-i
        May 18, 2012, 6:46 pm | #

        Michelle Obama is a busty gal. I heard she bought 3!

    • MerchManDan
      May 19, 2012, 6:46 am | # | Reply

      Could be NASA. A sure-fire way to entice more busty ladies to be astronauts would be to assure them their endowments will not be adversely effected by G-forces typically associated with space travel.

      • Stigmartyr762
        May 19, 2012, 7:15 am | #

        That’s a distinct possibility. NASA has also been trying to find a way to develop a newer more streamlined spacesuit to replace the current bulky Michelin Man style suit used now.

        So the components used in Monica’s little purchase may just give the NASA techs the “Nudge” they were looking for.

      • ChrisHerself
        May 19, 2012, 3:19 pm | #

        Maybe they plan to stretch the bras between a goalpost, and use them to launch probes into orbit. Fuel costs, budget cuts and all. Yanno.

      • scantrontb
        May 20, 2012, 2:24 pm | #

        nah, wouldn’t work… the cups actively resist changes in inertia, at high delta-V’s they’d just stay where they were when you let go and just SLOWWWLLY rebound…. and your probe would just fall out and hit the ground at the goal posts.

      • MerchManDan
        May 21, 2012, 2:56 am | #

        I hate when that happens.

  5. The Old Wolf
    May 18, 2012, 12:58 pm | # | Reply

    Cheap at the price! 😀

  6. War
    May 18, 2012, 1:24 pm | # | Reply

    Less notice of the price and more notice on the no issue “sold”. Must be nice to drop 900 on bra – assuming she just buys one (I would buy 2 or 3 but that’s just me).

    • Pandra
      May 18, 2012, 2:05 pm | # | Reply

      If you’re used to paying for specialty bras, you’re used to having to saving up to get them. After a few years the sticker shock goes away and you just automatically start saving up for the next one.

      • Maark30
        May 18, 2012, 3:07 pm | #

        The simple laws of necessity take over the gag reflex from the sticker shock after a while.

      • Sori
        May 20, 2012, 3:58 pm | #

        Actually.. I don’t even have to buy specialty to have to save up. It’s bad when cheap bras cost more than a man’s dress shirt and tie..

    • Sonicthunder
      May 18, 2012, 4:27 pm | # | Reply

      Considering how much Monica’s willing to drop on hobby items (tubes and such for her music system) or workout supplies she refuses to ever use again (Amanda and the bicycle + gear), she’s got some money to flaunt.

    • Bucc-i
      May 18, 2012, 7:03 pm | # | Reply

      Monica is a museum curator, she’s got to at least be making 6 figures. So I don’t think she’s hurting for cash. Besides, if she’s hard up for cash, I bet you she could make 10 times what that bra is worth on a good night at a strip club!

      • Ayshela
        May 18, 2012, 7:26 pm | #

        Completely ignoring the strip club, not only does she have her salary from the museum, she also has the modeling stuff she’s done with/for Amanda. If she *were* for some reason strapped for cash, it’d be easy enough to see if Amanda had anything suitable.

      • Simon
        May 19, 2012, 5:28 am | #

        She also has friends who can create diamonds with their bare hands. I don’t think money is a problem for Monica.

    • Dafydd
      May 18, 2012, 11:05 pm | # | Reply

      Don’t forget Monica’s also an audiophile; Darren once observed, “Her speakers cost more than my car.” She’s probably used to paying four figures for high-quality accessories. (And a custom design by the Tony Stark of brassiere makers certainly counts as a high-quality accessory!)

    • ChrisHerself
      May 19, 2012, 3:24 pm | # | Reply

      Monica’s character, I think, is to splurge once in a while on something really nice, and live modestly the rest of the time. It shows consistently in her lifestyle over the years.

      The old saying “you get what you pay for” still rings pretty true for most things. Working in a history museum would give her a great eye for identifying quality items that’ll last through the ages, as well as a good sense of design. No wonder she knows $900 is a steal for that bra. 😉

    • KaiserFrazer67
      May 19, 2012, 4:46 pm | # | Reply

      Yeesh. I’d be afraid to wash it any other way except by hand, but for $900 something that high-tech ought to be self-cleaning!

  7. joecrouse
    May 18, 2012, 1:29 pm | # | Reply

    Why doesnt Monica just borrow the Ninja to play with seems like they are good exercise.

  8. Bruce Bergman
    May 18, 2012, 1:49 pm | # | Reply

    For custom work like that you negotiate a short production run of a half-dozen for your $900. Next time they’re only a little more than the production model.

    Better yet, negotiate: Be their model for making the prototypes when they need you, and do a photo shoot for the catalog, and get them at a discount. Or free.

    But you gotta have those “Over-The-Shoulder Boulder Holders” 😉 so you pay the price.

  9. Fnord
    May 18, 2012, 2:07 pm | # | Reply

    I love Mon’s expression in the second panel … like a kitten seeing it’s first canary …

    • Pamala5768
      May 18, 2012, 5:04 pm | # | Reply

      I think that all the face artwork on this “page” is outstanding!

      • Dave
        May 18, 2012, 5:42 pm | #

        She’s definitely giving Euryale a run for her money in the “lustrous eye glint” department!

    • GreyWolf
      May 18, 2012, 11:31 pm | # | Reply

      Soon as I saw panel 2, my immediate thought was “c’mon, Paul, you did that one just so someone would make an avatar out of it …” heh.

      Which reminds me, FPF will probably update the avatar in 3 … 2 … 1 …

  10. Cherish Bloom
    May 18, 2012, 2:26 pm | # | Reply

    I’m not clear on this.. did the ‘unnamed agency’ pay for them already or is the price factored in with mass production?

    and I’m betting that agency will show up soon.. and ask for a favor.

    Troz!

    • War
      May 18, 2012, 2:34 pm | # | Reply

      The mass production brought the price down to 900.

  11. Geek_on_call
    May 18, 2012, 2:35 pm | # | Reply

    Maybe it’s my Arachnophobia talking but not even pastry could make me wear spider silk. (Groan, wimper..)

    • illiad
      May 18, 2012, 3:00 pm | # | Reply

      but you are not frightened of worms??? 🙂

      • Siarles
        May 18, 2012, 8:48 pm | #

        Why would you be afraid of worms? They’re gross, but hardly dangerous. “Squicked” might be a more appropriate word than “frightened”.

  12. bmonk
    May 18, 2012, 2:49 pm | # | Reply

    Better watch those jelly doughnuts. Too many, and you’ll need an even bigger bra, for another $900.

  13. Jayessell
    May 18, 2012, 2:53 pm | # | Reply

    Well… She IS saving a bundle on airfare.

    She’d be rich if she could subcontract to FedEx without revealing her identity.

  14. msyendor
    May 18, 2012, 4:06 pm | # | Reply

    Body damage only for a really good maple bar.

    ok. Now the washing instructions.

    • jwhouk
      May 18, 2012, 9:11 pm | # | Reply

      No, I think that’s a cruller, doanchaknow.

    • NOTDilbert
      May 19, 2012, 7:16 pm | # | Reply

      Guys – she says, right there, ‘jelly donut’. Maple bars and crullers are both good, but, different species in pastry etymology.

  15. Wolf
    May 18, 2012, 4:49 pm | # | Reply

    The look on Monica’s face in the second panel – priceless!

    Thank You for the Big Grin of the day, Paul!

    And; poor ninjas! Do we get to see their current state? 😉

  16. Kessog
    May 18, 2012, 5:27 pm | # | Reply

    Stick with boobs in panel 4! Awsome!

  17. bmonk
    May 18, 2012, 6:24 pm | # | Reply

    I was going to post this yesterday, as a reply to Roy’s question about AC:

    Brassiere of Defense: XP value 1,000 GP value 5,000

    The Brassiere of Defense will not come off except by command of the wearer, granting the wearer an Armor Class of 2 while worn. It lowers the morale of all males attacking the wearer by -1. This item of clothing cannot be worn by males, and automatically adjusts to fit the female wearing it.

    Also of note:

    Sweatsuit: XP value 5,000 GP value 25,000

    This magical suit +5, if worn constantly for longer than one day, allows the wearer to cast the equivalent of a stinking cloud spell up to three times per day after that. A nonjock who attacks a jock attires in such a magical sweatsuit can choose to try to tear either the shirt or pants from the jock’s body instead of attempting a normal combat attack. A monk can gain one such attempt for every unarmed attack available. Once a sweatsuit has been “activated,” burning is the only way to get rid of the stinking cloud property of the suit; not even soap of scrubbing will do any good. Attacking an activated sweatsuit gives a morale penalty of -5 to all attackers.

    • as363
      May 18, 2012, 6:43 pm | # | Reply

      Well said “bmonk” – drops 10 “C” notes in the vault against your account.. Well worth it .!

      • bmonk
        May 18, 2012, 7:32 pm | #

        IIRC, these were from an issue of Dragon magazine. But I thought it interesting that we used a rough equivalence of 1 GP = $1, and the GP of the bra is not too far off (only one small order of magnitude) from the price given here.

    • Roy
      May 18, 2012, 9:51 pm | # | Reply

      *thoughtful headtilt* Second edition, or first?

  18. Bucc-i
    May 18, 2012, 6:41 pm | # | Reply

    Why do I see Panel #4 as a Street Fighter Raging Demon Super Combo?

    • Sgt. Howard
      May 18, 2012, 8:33 pm | # | Reply

      both figures are fully boobed, above and beyond the capacity of Tina’s tiny titties… besides, she’s (Tina) still in a mild state of shellshock for such gyrations… to say nothing of the fact that she only seems capable of self injury under any circumstances…
      but I could be wrong…

  19. Lee M
    May 18, 2012, 8:29 pm | # | Reply

    Love Monica’s cartoony expression in the last panel. And I guess when it comes to the price she just donut wanna haggle.

    • Siarles
      May 18, 2012, 8:53 pm | # | Reply

      Dude, that was bad. Pay the pun vault. *points at vault*

  20. Geech
    May 18, 2012, 9:11 pm | # | Reply

    Does this mean she can now be the female version of Indiana Jones?

  21. TheDoctor
    May 18, 2012, 9:58 pm | # | Reply

    The fourth panel reminds me of a cross between a James Bond Opening montage….and a Powerpuff Girls fight scene. 🙂

  22. Hansontoons
    May 18, 2012, 10:11 pm | # | Reply

    So, anyone else see shades of Samurai Jack animation style (eyes?) in the ninjas and fight scene? No complaints, just triggered happy memories of watching that show and other Nicktoons with my daughter.

    • Opus the Poet
      May 19, 2012, 12:12 am | # | Reply

      Dude, Jack was sooo Cartoon Network, not Nicktoons. made by the same team that did PPG.

      • Hansontoons
        May 19, 2012, 5:59 am | #

        Ok, so mebbe I was a bit fuzzy with memory last night. Been several years. I was close, both networks are on TV!

    • scantrontb
      May 19, 2012, 10:04 am | # | Reply

      Dude.. you must be getting Ol’ Timers Disease… it was on Cartoon Network not Nick…

      • Hansontoons
        May 19, 2012, 8:17 pm | #

        CRS. Mild case.

      • Amber Thompson
        May 20, 2012, 8:02 am | #

        Only because we have. more memories to sort through. 🙂

      • Hansontoons
        May 20, 2012, 12:10 pm | #

        And missing a few cards from the ol’ mental Rolodex 😀

  23. MerchManDan
    May 19, 2012, 5:05 am | # | Reply

    Last week: Laments her consumption of baked goods, which contribute to current unhealthy state.
    This week: Furiously pummels an ambush of ninjas for a jelly donut.

    • Aleister Crow
      May 19, 2012, 10:51 am | # | Reply

      Yeah, I was thinking that was a bit counter productive.

      • ChrisHerself
        May 19, 2012, 3:27 pm | #

        Remember when Kevin got her to exercise, and she rewarded herself with a giant frozen custard? At least she’s consistent. 😀

  24. Justa Wud Turner
    May 19, 2012, 5:07 am | # | Reply

    Hmmm spend a grand, eat junk food. Bet she dumps the exercise thing too,

    • scantrontb
      May 19, 2012, 10:51 am | # | Reply

      nah, she’s got Tina looking out for that now, that’s one of the GOOD things about having a work-out buddy., on those days that you don’t really feel “up to it” they can give the motivation to actually go thru with it. whether it’s from “OMG, I CAN’T let her down” guilt factor, or her just plain not wanting to get yelled at for being a lazy bum, so she goes to workout even though she doesn’t feel like it.
      But if she DIDN’T have Tina, she’d end up just like she did after the bike arc: STILL out of shape and not motivated ENOUGH to KEEP going.

      • Justa Wud Turner
        May 19, 2012, 9:18 pm | #

        scan- hope yer right.

      • aqua
        May 19, 2012, 9:50 pm | #

        don’t forget her friend can ‘tell’ her to

      • Maark30
        May 19, 2012, 11:11 pm | #

        That would be the best reason to have Tina as a work out buddy. Talk about an irresistible force.

  25. kingklash
    May 19, 2012, 9:39 am | # | Reply

    Mmmmmmm, jelly donut.

  26. scantrontb
    May 19, 2012, 10:09 am | # | Reply

    it would be an “interesting” (in the Chinese sense of the word) if that “Unnamed Agency” was Arc-Swat (before they went public), and wanted to make sure that Maxima and the rest of the Grrl Power team looked good while fighting crime… from the Grrl Power comic: http://www.grrlpowercomic.com

    • NOTDilbert
      May 19, 2012, 7:20 pm | # | Reply

      “Always. Expect. Ninjas.” is a permanent part of my email signature, <3

    • Kramegame
      May 19, 2012, 11:02 pm | # | Reply

      that…that would make sense…

  27. FatUncle
    May 19, 2012, 5:33 pm | # | Reply

    Oh My GOD! She’s making Euryale eyes!

    Run! RUN!

  28. jordinyc
    May 20, 2012, 11:33 am | # | Reply

    NO CAPES

  29. Centaur71
    May 20, 2012, 2:38 pm | # | Reply

    $900 for a bra? (and I thought paying $40-$65 for mine was outrageous…)

  30. Opus the Poet
    May 20, 2012, 11:51 pm | # | Reply

    Anyone else notice that Lydia has a rack almost on a par with Monica’s? That would explain why she got into the custom bra business, first for herself than as others found out she had to make more until she was in business making bras that didn’t exist anywhere else.

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