I don’t know why we do these things when we are kids either. But I do know it stays with you. Working on 35 years now, and I can still see his tears and hear him crying.
I’ve been that “dirtball” kid. I was closer to 6 or 7, not 3. I was in a new neighborhood, a little shy and didn’t understand I was supposed to push back when pushed. It didn’t make sense. Still doesn’t.
Kindness, empathy, and compassion are not innate; they are learned abilities. It follows, therefor, that there are ages before we have learned these things. It further follows that some children will learn them earlier than others. We do not develop empathy until after we have experienced some suffering of our own, usually followed by one of two things:
A: we see the person tormenting us, how happy they look hurting us, and so we begin to understand sadism, and the concept that happiness is something we take away from others in order to experience it ourselves.
B: Someone comforts us, sooths us, protects us… and we observe that they take pleasure in this action, at the same time as our own suffering is lessened, and so we begin to understand compassion.
In many ways, how far into our lives it takes us to learn the value of being kind has less to do with ourselves, and more to do with the people around us, and what they deem to teach us.
Some of us are fortunate enough not to learn sadism until we are much older. Some of us are unfortunate enough not to learn kindness until we are much older. The longer it takes for us to internalize these lessons, the less they will shape our growing personalities.
I think another webcomic put it most succinctly, Girl Genius, Act 2, book three, A General Discussion, Friday September 02 2016.
Vole: But… But hy kent be a general! De masters vill neffer trust me! Hy haff done all kinds ov horrible tings!
Higgs: Kid? We all did– And then we grew up.
Why do you put the feels on me this way?
🙁
Is it just me wondering if we will see ‘Dirtball’ again? Or if maybe we have met his mother already
I don’t know why we do these things when we are kids either. But I do know it stays with you. Working on 35 years now, and I can still see his tears and hear him crying.
There is nothing more pure nor as cruel as a child.
I’ve been that “dirtball” kid. I was closer to 6 or 7, not 3. I was in a new neighborhood, a little shy and didn’t understand I was supposed to push back when pushed. It didn’t make sense. Still doesn’t.
Kindness, empathy, and compassion are not innate; they are learned abilities. It follows, therefor, that there are ages before we have learned these things. It further follows that some children will learn them earlier than others. We do not develop empathy until after we have experienced some suffering of our own, usually followed by one of two things:
A: we see the person tormenting us, how happy they look hurting us, and so we begin to understand sadism, and the concept that happiness is something we take away from others in order to experience it ourselves.
B: Someone comforts us, sooths us, protects us… and we observe that they take pleasure in this action, at the same time as our own suffering is lessened, and so we begin to understand compassion.
In many ways, how far into our lives it takes us to learn the value of being kind has less to do with ourselves, and more to do with the people around us, and what they deem to teach us.
Some of us are fortunate enough not to learn sadism until we are much older. Some of us are unfortunate enough not to learn kindness until we are much older. The longer it takes for us to internalize these lessons, the less they will shape our growing personalities.
Pack thinking is vicious.
I think another webcomic put it most succinctly, Girl Genius, Act 2, book three, A General Discussion, Friday September 02 2016.
Vole: But… But hy kent be a general! De masters vill neffer trust me! Hy haff done all kinds ov horrible tings!
Higgs: Kid? We all did– And then we grew up.